Trace Tracker

Why I Don’t Know Anything, But I Kind of Do

2010-02-21T21:47:00.000-08:00

Mathematics is intriguing in the way of a hungry tiger or a violently raging river rapid. It has never been something I would like to spend my life (or even more than a moment at a time) getting to know intimately. It is an area to which people have devoted their fullest potential. Some of my friends and family members are mathematicians. They can take apart complex issues of engineering and logic like scalpel-wielding oncologists extracting cancer cells from healthy tissue. I, on the other hand, am more like an ill-tempered ape with a TI-83 graphing calculator; the tools are there along with the basic ability, but much beyond the Pythagorean theory of finding a right triangle’s hypotenuse, I am at a loss. Why, then, do I even know who Pythagoras was? Why does my sister hold a degree in physics? Society forms and moves the individual mind in concert with the mind’s innate predilections.

In The Metaphysical Club, Menand tracks the emergence of the Law of Errors as it affected the thought lives of people in the nineteenth century. For instance, Pierre-Simon Laplace saw the Law of Errors as a way to reach further and further toward the likeliest solution to a problem by judging with a sample large enough to create the bell curve of a mean. As Laplace began to apply this to human activities, the implication that society was predictable lent itself to the philosophical outlook of determinism (186). If Laplace’s determinism is to be taken to its fullest, everything is necessarily a result of factors that are in motion long before their fruition and not much can be done to change them. However, this does not hold in the face of events that are highly improbably but altogether possible. Menand’s given example is that of drawing the desired card from a shuffled deck. This interpretation of Darwinian evolution makes it entirely possible that the universe is not predetermined (199). Society, in this case, would follow laws and the rules that normally govern. Except when it doesn’t. In fact, this Darwinian randomness is that which allows for the improbable mutation to lead to the newest branch of academia, society, economy, and , oh yes, speciation in the natural world.

This randomness, the biological hypothesis cum social theory cum philosophical outlook, is an interesting way to explain why the math classes my sister took were a boon to her intellectual well-being, yet I made it through my requirements with mediocre grades and a matching dispassion for the subject. Genetics, curricula, socio-economic status being basically the same, the randomness of my sister’s and my divergence in the realm of the protractor is a way of looking at the mutation of what might have been into what actually is. Now, as I look back with a bit of appreciation for mathematics, I see how I did not win the lottery. Perhaps, though, I did. Perhaps the situation is not success versus failure, but success of a kind applied differently per condition. Randomness, then, is not whether I succeed or fail at differential equations—I fail, if you’re curious—but in which areas I succeed and in which areas success is withheld from me. Without attributing some selective power to God or the cosmos, (it would be positively un-Darwinian) it is safe to say that everyone cannot succeed simultaneously in the same area. Or, it is statistically highly improbable, at least.

Making movies, etc.

2010-02-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

Herro, Preashe!

Well, let's see. Lately life is good. A couple of snow days so far this month, and it provided me the opportunity to catch up on sleep that I sorely needed. This past weekend I put in about 30 hours on-set shooting my movie An Infinite Parade. I am really proud of how well things went and how the movie is going to look. Watching the monitor, I got to see how well the lighting crew and director of photography were working together to make a high quality film. I'm really excited to see dailies (that is, raw footage cut together for review) this week. I'm also working on another movie this weekend for a friend who is shooting. I'll be their sound mixer, and that's cool with me.

I know this post is short, but I've got to get my stuff together and brave my way to class across icy sidewalks and general coldness.

T

2010-01-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

I found this online, and I chuckled to myself. It kind of raises a good point... though I know that will ruffle some feathers. It was part of an article about how ridiculous it is that ABC News interviewed Jenny McCarthy about a new autism study. As though she were a scientist or really a well informed person at all. And so goes society.

Well, I made it through Christmas and New Years and enjoyed family time for a couple weeks, but it was also nice to spend NYE with friends here in Conway.

I'm really ready for classes to get started here and to get my BA done this semester. Ugh, I feel old thinking that I'll be a college grad in May. But at least that means I'll have finished what I started.

And so now it's time to start looking to the world beyond the UCA universe. And to make plans and find a path that is suitable.

T

I think I know what I'd do.

2010-01-03T21:01:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this is kind of odd, but worth sharing. This is something that's been around a few years already. Chuck Klosterman made a list: "23 Questions I Ask Everybody I Meet in Order to Know if I can Really Love Them." And they are worth reading through. When Klosterman came to UCA a while back, I went to hear him. He was sick and sounded kind of gross, but he is an immensely interesting author. This little quiz is from his book "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto."

So...

1. Let us assume you met a rudimentary magician. Let us assume he can do five simple tricks—he can pull a rabbit out of his hat, he can make a coin disappear, he can turn the ace of spades into the Joker card, and two others in a similar vein. These are his only tricks and he can’t learn any more; he can only do these five. HOWEVER, it turns out he’s doing these five tricks with real magic. It’s not an illusion; he can actually conjure the bunny out of the ether and he can move the coin through space. He’s legitimately magical, but extremely limited in scope and influence.

Would this person be more impressive than Albert Einstein?

2. Let us assume a fully grown, completely healthy Clydesdale horse has his hooves shackled to the ground while his head is held in place with thick rope. He is conscious and standing upright, but completely immobile. And let us assume that—for some reason—every political prisoner on earth (as cited by Amnesty International) will be released from captivity if you can kick this horse to death in less than twenty minutes. You are allowed to wear steel-toed boots.

Would you attempt to do this?

3. Let us assume there are two boxes on a table. In one box, there is a relatively normal turtle; in the other, Adolf Hitler’s skull. You have to select one of these items for your home. If you select the turtle, you can’t give it away and you have to keep it alive for two years; if either of these parameters are not met, you will be fined $999 by the state. If you select Hitler’s skull, you are required to display it in a semi-prominent location in your living room for the same amount of time, although you will be paid a stipend of $120 per month for doing so. Display of the skull must be apolitical.

Which option do you select?

4. Genetic engineers at Johns Hopkins University announce that they have developed a so-called “super gorilla.” Though the animal cannot speak, it has a sign language lexicon of over twelve thousand words, an I.Q. of almost 85, and—most notably—a vague sense of self-awareness. Oddly, the creature (who weighs seven hundred pounds) becomes fascinated by football. The gorilla aspires to play the game at its highest level and quickly develops the rudimentary skills of a defensive end. ESPN analyst Tom Jackson speculates that this gorilla would be “borderline unblockable” and would likely average six sacks a game (although Jackson concedes the beast might be susceptible to counters and misdirection plays). Meanwhile, the gorilla has made it clear he would never intentionally injure any opponent.

You are commissioner of the NFL: Would you allow this gorilla to sign with the Oakland Raiders?

5. You meet your soul mate. However, there is a catch: Every three years, someone will break both of your soul mate’s collarbones with a Crescent wrench, and there is only one way you can stop this from happening: You must swallow a pill that will make every song you hear—for the rest of your life—sound as if it’s being performed by the band Alice in Chains. When you hear Creedence Clearwater Revival on the radio, it will sound (to your ears) like it’s being played by Alice in Chains. If you see Radiohead live, every one of their tunes will sound like it’s being covered by Alice in Chains. When you hear a commercial jingle on TV, it will sound like Alice in Chains; if you sing to yourself in the shower, your voice will sound like deceased Alice vocalist Layne Staley performing a capella (but it will only sound this way to you).

Would you swallow the pill?

6. At long last, someone invents “the dream VCR.” This machine allows you to tape an entire evening’s worth of your own dreams, which you can then watch at your leisure. However, the inventor of the dream VCR will only allow you to use this device of you agree to a strange caveat: When you watch your dreams, you must do so with your family and your closest friends in the same room. They get to watch your dreams along with you. And if you don’t agree to this, you can’t use the dream VCR.

Would you still do this?

7. Defying all expectation, a group of Scottish marine biologists capture a live Loch Ness Monster. In an almost unbelievable coincidence, a bear hunter in the Pacific Northwest shoots a Sasquatch in the thigh, thereby allowing zoologists to take the furry monster into captivity. These events happen on the same afternoon. That evening, the president announces he may have thyroid cancer and will undergo a biopsy later that week.

You are the front page editor of The New York Times: What do you play as the biggest story?

8. You meet the perfect person. Romantically, this person is ideal: You find them physically attractive, intellectually stimulating, consistently funny, and deeply compassionate. However, they have one quirk: This individual is obsessed with Jim Henson’s gothic puppet fantasy The Dark Crystal. Beyond watching it on DVD at least once a month, he/she peppers casual conversation with Dark Crystal references, uses Dark Crystal analogies to explain everyday events, and occasionally likes to talk intensely about the film’s “deeper philosophy.”

Would this be enough to stop you from marrying this individual?

9. A novel titled Interior Mirror is released to mammoth commerical success (despite middling reviews). However, a curious social trend emerges: Though no one can prove a direct scientific link, it appears that almost 30 percent of the people who read this book immediately become homosexual. Many of these newfound homosexuals credit the book for helping them reach this conclusion about their orientation, despite the fact that Interior Mirror is ostensibly a crime novel with no homoerotic content (and was written by a straight man).

Would this phenomenon increase (or decrease) the likliehood of you reading this book?

10. This is the opening line of Jay McInerney’s Bright Lights, Big City: “You are not the kind of guy who would be in a place like this at this time of the morning.” Think about that line in the context of the novel (assuming you’ve read it). Now go to your CD collection and find Heart’s Little Queen album (assuming you own it). Listen to the opening riff to “Barracuda.”

Which of these two introductions is a higher form of art?

11. You are watching a movie in a crowded theater. Though the plot is mediocre, you find yourself dazzled by the special effects. But with twenty minutes left in the film, you are struck with an undeniable feeling of doom: You are suddenly certain your mother has just died. There is no logical reason for this to be true, but you are certain of it. You are overtaken with the irrational metaphysical sense that—somewhere—your mom has just perished. But this is only an intuitive, amorphous feeling; there is no evidence for this, and your mother has not been ill.

Would you immediately exit the theater, or would you finish watching the movie?

12. You meet a wizard in downtown Chicago. The wizard tells you he can make you more attractive if you pay him money. When you ask how this process works, the wizard points to a random person on the street. You look at this random stranger. The wizard says, “I will now make them a dollar more attractive.” He waves his magic wand. Ostensibly, this person does not change at all; as far as you can tell, nothing is different. But—somehow—this person is suddenly a little more appealing. The tangible difference is invisible to the naked eye, but you can’t deny that this person is vaguely sexier. This wizard has a weird rule, though—you can only pay him once. You can’t keep giving him money until you’re satisfied. You can only pay him one lump sum up front.

How much cash do you give the wizard?

13. Every person you have ever slept with is invited to a banquet where you are the guest of honor. No one will be in attendance except you, the collection of your former lovers, and the catering service. After the meal, you are asked to give a fifteen-minute speech to the assembly.

What do you talk about?

14. For reasons that cannot be explained, cats can suddenly read at a twelfth-grade level. They can’t talk and they can’t write, but they can read silently and understand the text. Many cats love this new skill, because they now have something to do all day while they lay around the house; however, a few cats become depressed, because reading forces them to realize the limitations of their existence (not to mention the utter frustration of being unable to express themselves).

This being the case, do you think the average cat would enjoy Garfield, or would cats find this cartoon to be an insulting caricature?

15.You have a brain tumor. Though there is no discomfort at the moment, this tumor would unquestionably kill you in six months. However, your life can (and will) be saved by an operation; the only downside is that there will be a brutal incision to your frontal lobe. After the surgery, you will be significantly less intelligent. You will still be a fully functioning adult, but you will be less logical, you will have a terrible memory, and you will have little ability to understand complex concepts or difficult ideas. The surgery is in two weeks.

How do you spend the next fourteen days?

16. Someone builds and optical portal that allows you to see a vision of your own life in the future (it’s essentially a crystal ball that shows a randomly selected image of what your life will be like in twenty years). You can only see into this portal for thirty seconds. When you finally peer into the crystal, you see yourself in a living room, two decades older than you are today. You are watching a Canadian football game, and you are extremely happy. You are wearing a CFL jersey. Your chair is surrounded by books and magazines that promote the Canadian Football League, and there are CFL pennants covering your walls. You are alone in the room, but you are gleefully muttering about historical moments in Canadian football history. It becomes clear that—for some unknown reason—you have become obsessed with Canadian football. And this future is static and absolute; no matter what you do, this future will happen. The optical portal is never wrong. This destiny cannot be changed.

The next day, you are flipping through television channels and randomly come across a pre-season CFL game between the Toronto Argonauts and the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Knowing your inevitable future, do you now watch it?

17. You are sitting in an empty bar (in a town you’ve never before visited), drinking Bacardi with a soft-spoken acquaintance you barely know. After an hour, a third individual walks into the tavern and sits by himself, and you ask your acquaintance who the new man is. “Be careful of that guy,” you are told. “He is a man with a past.” A few minutes later, a fourth person enters the bar; he also sits alone. You ask your acquaintance who this new individual is. “Be careful of that guy, too,” he says. “He is a man with no past.”

Which of these two people do you trust less?

18. You have won a prize. The prize has two options, and you can choose either (but not both). The first option is a year in Europe with a monthly stipend of $2,000. The second option is ten minutes on the moon.

Which option do you select?

19. Your best friend is taking a nap on the floor of your living room. Suddenly, you are faced with a bizarre existential problem: This friend is going to die unless you kick them (as hard as you can) in the rib cage. If you don’t kick them while they slumber, they will never wake up. However, you can never explain this to your friend; if you later inform them that you did this to save their life, they will also die from that. So you have to kick a sleeping friend in the ribs, and you can’t tell them why.

Since you cannot tell your friend the truth, what excuse will you fabricate to explain this (seemingly inexplicable) attack?

20. For whatever the reason, two unauthorized movies are made about your life. The first is an independently released documentary, primarily comprised of interviews with people who know you and bootleg footage from your actual life. Critics are describing the documentary as “brutally honest and relentlessly fair.” Meanwhile, Columbia Tri-Star has produced a big-budget biopic of your life, casting major Hollywood stars as you and all your acquaintances; though the movie is based on actual events, screenwriters have taken some liberties with the facts. Critics are split on the artistic merits of this fictionalized account, but audiences love it.

Which film would you be most interested in seeing?

21. Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will reexperience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned form having lived your life previously.

Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?

22. You work in an office. Generally, you are popular with your coworkers. However, you discover that there are currently two rumors circulating the office gossip mill, and both involve you. The first rumor is that you got drunk at the office holiday party and had sex with one of your married coworkers. This rumor is completely true, but most people don’t believe it. The second rumor is that you have been stealing hundreds of dollars of office supplies (and then selling them to cover a gambling debt). This rumor is completely false, but virtually everyone assumes it is factual.

Which of these two rumors is most troubling to you?

23. Consider this possibility:

a. Think about deceased TV star John Ritter.

b. Now, pretend Ritter had never become famous. Pretend he was never affected by the trappings of fame, and try to imagine what his personality would have been like.

c. Now, imagine that this person—the unfamous John Ritter—is a character in a situation comedy.

d. Now, you are also a character in this sitcom, and the unfamous John Ritter character is your sitcom father.

e. However, this sitcom is actually your real life. In other words, you are living inside a sitcom: Everything about our life is a construction, featuring the unfamous John Ritter playing himself (in the role of your TV father). But this is not a sitcom. This is your real life.

How would you feel about this?

T

I'm 'Bah' your Humbug!

2009-12-16T08:47:00.000-08:00

Semester ended and I made it out with what little shred of sanity I could salvage. Not that there was a lot to begin with. Grades came out pretty much what I anticipated and I am in no real danger of not graduating in May unless there is something just ridiculously catastrophic that happens. Hooray for finally finishing something! It's only taken five years... (or four with a break, depending on how you count it.)

Now I'm in holiday mode. With school out, I'm basically working and doing whatever crosses my path. Right now I'm crashing with some friends and riding out the wave of interpersonal drama that comes with living for more than three days in this lovely world.

Thesis presentation went well, and I really feel like that is a huge hurdle that I was able to surmount. Hopefully I'll be able to use that piece later. Perhaps to expand and maybe publish. I feel like it has potential, anyway. p.s. If you want a copy, I'm happy to email it, just let me know.

In other news, in the next week and a half I'll be globetrotting from Central Arkansas to Missouri to Central Arkansas to Texarkana to Mississippi and back to Central Arkansas. I'll be back in Conway before New Years. This week I'm going to Missouri to visit my paternal grandparents. I don't think I've been to their house in something like five or six years, so it should be thoroughly odd... but it will be nice to do what catching up can be done in a four day span. Then to Mississippi next week to see Granny et. al for the Christmas extravaganza that is a card table of decidedly nommable sweets and a few days of Chinese checkers (Granny, I'm bringing my A-game) and sitting around shooting the breeze.

Then back to work hard for the money before school resumes. I'm pleased with my last semester's class schedule and hope that it will be interesting enough to stave off the senioritis that set in in 2005 and hasn't ever worn completely off. I am excited to be taking an anthropology class actually in the anthro department (as opposed to the others I've taken in the Honors College), and I'm looking forward to a script workshopping class I'm taking in the writing department with Bob May. Otherwise, I'm in the thick of producing a movie involving aging and retirement homes and time machines. Plus an Honors seminar class and some stuff to do with production design.

Oh, by the way, my 3D animation class ended up with an A for my final grade. Even after all my complaining. My final project was a campfire in a forest at night. The fire was a particle system that glowed and looked kind of cool, and the camera was animated on a track to fly close into the fire and then out and around. I was happy with it. Unfortunately, I didn't do anything to put it up to be seen online. If it's still around when I get back on the lab's computers I'll see if I can't get it on YouTube or Vimeo... or at least a screencap to see my modeling. I ended up using Photoshop in addition to Blender, and I felt awfully proud of myself. This would be my first experience with either. And I think Photoshop and I would get along nicely if I ever sat down and played with it. I used to do some photo editing business back in the days of my old lappy. Le sigh.

So, now that I've put off putting my clothes into my backpack for this trip, I should probably do that post haste before the parentals arrive.

Merry Christmas, etc.

T

It's finally here!

2009-12-07T20:46:00.001-08:00

For those of you who have been living under a rock or else only keeping up with me on this very blog, I have spent the past year or so working on a thesis for my minor in Interdisciplinary Studies. That is, the Honors College. This project has taken me through more books and journal articles than I care to admit, through many iterations of application for research approval (and subsequent rejection), as well as around the world, into the Old Testament, and on a personal journey that I did not anticipate. All that boils down to this Friday morning. I'll be giving a presentation (I don't like the word "defense") of my thesis.

The thing started out as an anthropology research project, plain and simple. It was going to revolve around the different strands of Christianity in current-day People's Republic of China and how there are conflicts between Christian morality and aspects of PRC law. Well, after spending several months with my nose buried in books and eyes watering from the illumination of LexusNexus online articles, I wrote an Institutional Review Board proposal to study the House Church, Three-Self Church, Chinese Catholic church, et al. this summer while I would be in the PRC anyway. The IRB shot me down a few times and once their final denial came the week before departure for a summer in China, my adviser, Dr. Adam Frank, and I came to a different conclusion. I could do my research more passively by observing people and situations (but not doing "interviews") and using that to fuel the creation of a piece of fiction.

So, now we have my novella, In the Land of Silence, about a Chinese couple and their lives as Christians in the face of an accidental pregnancy under the PRC's One Child Policy. That's the short version of what it's about. I am excited to have written something fictional (my first attempt at this in a piece of any length) and to have written something I think is worthwhile. This is definitely not intended to be classified as Christian fiction in the traditional sense, but rather a short piece about Christians in the regular world around them where things don't work and life doesn't always make sense. The ending is not tragic, but it certainly isn't happy, and to me, that reflects life as a struggling Christian (I defy you to find any other kind) in the real world.

This book took a lot of emotional and spiritual energy out of me as I looked at situations I've never experienced and tried to come to terms with situations I have that hold similar implications. I've never been pregnant and needed to have an abortion, but I've certainly felt like God was either not listening or unwilling to help. I hope that the piece is something that will be a springboard for further work spiritually and academically.

That said, come to my thesis presentation!

Friday, December 11, 9 a.m.
UCA Student Center, room 214

I'll be the one dressed up and looking frazzled.

T

Well, hello, December

2009-12-01T13:30:00.000-08:00

Today was the official beginning of Central Arkansas scarf season. (I make these rules up as I go.) And I could not be happier. Well, I mean, for the weather. The day has been beautiful and crisp with sunshine all over and leaves being gathered by uniformed university workers into heaps that they will soon vacuum away into trucks. What happens to the leaves after that is beyond me.

Anyway, this is what we politely refer to as Hell Week. Finals are next week, but everyone knows that this week is all about papers and projects being finished and handed in. Presentations are being presented. Extra credit and extensions are being begged. And it all has one gloriously silvery lining: we're almost done. I can't wait to get out of this semester and into the next. I'm excited to finish my BA and move on with life. My thesis presentation is in a week and a half. My Chinese final is in two days. And I am so close to just having the winter to work and breathe and read books I want to read.

I see you shiver with antici...

All that said, I'm editing my novella and getting my Digital Film production book together and cramming Hebrew letters and slogging through hours of 3D animation. I'm sitting with my nose all too close to the grindstone, and the exhilaration of projects completed is the fuel I need to power through the next few days.

So, here's to scarf season. Here's to the Academy. Here's to the end of the semester and the trouble it brought. Good bye, albatros. Hello, December.

T

...pation.

(You thought I'd leave you hanging?)

Thesis Teaser

2009-11-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm in the thick of writing my Honors Thesis, which is a novel about a Christian couple in China who become pregnant with an illegal second child. I don't want to give it all away, but I did want to just put this out there. It's a work in progress (though I hope I'm near the end of my full first draft) and so here is a bit of a teaser.

This is a prayer of my main character, Melanie, as she is struggling with the different pressures on her early in her pregnancy.

God, you give me so much. I want to give you myself. But you seem to be making it harder than I thought it would be. I am starting to wonder if you care at all. This baby. I just can't understand. I can't see how I can keep this baby without giving up everything else. Even Matthew. I love him. He loves me. But this might break us, God. I know he was right about the government and lies. You tell me to submit to my husband as he submits to you. I'm trying, but God, you're making this hard. You tell us to submit to our leaders. I'm trying that, too. But my leaders are wrong, God. You let them stay in power, and they are wrong! Where is your justice? They care only about themselves and money. I can't tear out what you are knitting together in my womb, but I do wonder why you decided to start knitting now, why in me? If you are in control, why not stop this? I'm in a situation with no good answers, and I'm supposed to just believe that it will somehow work together for good because I love you. Well, God, it won't. It can't. You blessed me with the curse of impossible joy. Love I can't keep. God, next time, please, bless someone else. Amen.

The (sometimes) Essentials

2009-11-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

So, I've come to realize that I'm really not a materialist. However, I do like to have nice things.

Things I'd like to have:

-a nifty hat for days I don't want to deal with my hair

-"I'm aFreud to Love" t-shirt from CottonFactory.com

-an iPhone

-a computer

-a red scarf

-a puppy (I know I can't have one...)

-an Amazon Kindle

Things I probably can't live too much longer without:

-Owl City's album "Maybe I'm Dreaming"

-TOMS shoes

-new glasses

-homemade applebutter

-a roadtrip/night of dancing/massage (as three or one... lol)

And probably other stuff. I dunno.

2009-11-09T21:27:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow is my 23rd birthday. I guess I've made it this far.

T

Picture 'splosion!

2009-10-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

I finally pulled all my summer photos off my camera and put them on Facebook. For those of you not already stalking me online, here are the links to my photos:

-China Pictures

-Illinois Pictures

And... yes. That's it for today. I am, as always, a busy bee.

2009-10-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

No time to talk much, but I think this blog is really worth a read. And click the Church Sign Fail link at the bottom. Funny business.

In other news, I am no longer sick (as per my last post) but I am busy to the gills with work and school and projects and sorting out friendships and my own personal life. Hooray!

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, which is the only break I see in the near future. I can't wait to get to see family and hold the baby and eat like a glutton.

Also, my birthday is coming up, so there will be a party sometime around then to celebrate. I'm thinking a Toga Party is in order. Never been to one, so I might as well have one for myself, right? For an itemized appropriate gift list, please message me privately. (That was a joke...)

Before that, Halloween, and I don't know exact plans yet, but I'll probably work at some point that day/night and then go out that night for a while. Woo-hoo.

Now I'm off to resume my ongoing battle with technology.

T

Book-learnin'

2009-09-10T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. Tear.

Early in the week I started coming down with what I hope to be just a cold. My throat is sore and I'm all mucus-y and gross. On top of that, sadly, I was also going through withdrawals (see the post from late April about the withdrawals), and so it was hard to tell if I was getting a flu, or if some of it was just my body's natural reaction to being under-medicated. Anywho, I'm back on regular meds plus some stuff for the ick, so I'm taking it slow, but things are looking up.

I missed two days' worth of classes this week, and when one's week only lasts three days (plus an hour on Monday), it's a lot to try to make up. I am also missing work today, but hopefully I'll be back at work on Saturday-- I need the money. Thankfully, I don't think I'm really going to be behind on anything except for 3D animation. Unfortunately, 3D is kind of my class of dread this semester because it forces me to be sequestered in a lab for three straight hours staring at an illusory universe of my own creating. There are few things that could be scarier, dear readers, than a universe of which I am the creator. Be afraid.

I guess I could speak a bit to my semester, since I haven't said anything much about classes. I am really enjoying my Jewish Scriptures class, and I'm learning a lot about the culture(s) which birthed what we Christians know as the Old Testament. It's a class taken from a clearly liberal perspective, and we aren't dealing at all with the theological issues that are raised (state school), but I find it greatly insightful all the same. I'm also taking 5th semester Chinese, which is cool. The other student in the class is a French woman who lived in Beijing for a few years with her husband. She's just trying to keep up her skills, and am I, so we're pretty well matched. We are working this semester to get ready for the HSK (Hanyu Shuiping Kaoshi) or Mandarin Proficiency Test. It's kind of like the TOEFL for Chinese. Anyway, I'm excited and daunted to think of taking the HSK in December in Memphis. I'm also working on my Senior Honors thesis, and doing quite poorly at it. It's supposed to be a novella about a young woman who becomes a Christian in China and then the stresses that her faith and her nationality, etc. place on her as life becomes more complicated. I have a plotline kind of made out, but getting it out of the nebulous places in my head and into written words is proving to be much more difficult than I thought it would be. Aiya!

The other class I'm taking is Digital Film 3. It's basically the first semester of the two-semester capstone class for my major. I'm enjoying it well enough, and the professor seems to know what he's talking about, so hopefully I'll be able to channel some of my ideas and aspirations into the movies I'll be a part of in the next several months.

In conclusion, I'm blogging in order to put off the free-writing that I need to do to get my thesis into gear, so I'll sign off.

T

Dark Woods - Trailer

2009-09-07T01:17:00.001-07:00

This is a film that my friend Mary Kate is in. She posted some reviews and links about it and another project that she's involved with, and I thought it merited a passing along. In this trailer, she's the very creepy blond girl.

T

Dark Woods - Trailer
Uploaded by dreadcentral. - Full seasons and entire episodes only

Oh, look, it's September

2009-09-03T10:26:00.000-07:00

This week I feel like I've been in the pressure cooker. I had projects due, readings to finish, places to be, people to see, and money-earning to resume. Somehow, though, it has all worked out. I've been stressing myself out needlessly, it seems, and today--my last day of class for the week-- is just peachy. My Chinese class was moved to yesterday and my film project is ready to be reviewed. All I have left is a meeting with my prof and then a 5 hour shift at the Slab. Sigh of relief.

Nevertheless, lately I've been contemplating the situation of my worldview and how it reflects the status of my soul's health. It isn't that I have ever given up the quest for truth and what is good, but that in the past year I've been so handily sidetracked by my own personal enjoyments that it has taken a bit of a backseat. Well, I am not "there" yet, that is to say, to a point of beautiful harmony with the Spirit or whatever. But I am working toward a place that would best be called Shalom--peace eternal and transcendent. I realize as I write this that I must sound like so star-child of the 60's transplanted into a post-modern world. I'm not, and I don't mean it that way at all. I just feel like God isn't my enemy anymore, and I'm earnestly seeking to be a better person.

(I realize that that paragraph may mean nothing at all to anyone but me.)

Friday is going to be a get-together with the people I studied with in Shanghai this summer. I'm looking forward to making jiaozi and seeing these folks I haven't spent much time with in the past couple months. I hope it goes well... and I don't have to work on Friday, so that's a double plus good way to relax. Sleeping in? Yes, please.

T

August and Everything Before

2009-08-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

Things I learned this summer in Shanghai/Beijing/Conway/Texarkana/LittleRock/Oswego/Middleton/Plano/Chicago, and the spaces in between have been great.

At the beginning of the summer, I was coming off a streak of independence (in the unhealthy sense) that boosted me straight through my time of studying and partying in Shanghai. I learned a lot and got to spend time with some really cool people, but I wouldn't say that I'm particularly proud of how all of my time there was spent.

Lesson 1: If you throw up at the end of the night, it was not a good night.

Lesson 2: Fun is different than good.

In Beijing, I spent my time seeing movies and hanging out at malls and seeing China and reconnecting with old friends and playing Transformers with cute little blond kids. I also spent time doing some digging into that mystery that is Christianity in the Middle Kingdom. It was interesting to say the very least, and I met some fantastically inspirational people and got to witness some things that make occasional headlines.

Lesson 3: Children are really a source of vitality. No wonder old people like to squeeze babies' cheeks so much.

Lesson 4: Even dirty cities have beautiful days, and this summer Beijing did not disappoint.

Lesson 5: If you ever have the chance, explore the parts of the Great Wall that the signs say not to. (And, if the mood strikes, pee off the Wall.)

Lesson 6: Watch your drinks like a hawk when you're at a bar. Roofies are no laughing matter.

Next, I returned to Arkansas by way of Shanghai and Chicago with a bank account in the negative.

Lesson 7: Even though we are probably among the most cynical people in the world, Americans can detect sincerity and will sometimes even help out someone in need. Even if that means $3 to a broke guy so he can get to the airport on the maglev train.

Lesson 8: Friends are amazing people. Don't discount them. Ever.

In Conway, I partied my hind-quarters off for about a week, got to see people I love, and made some choices better than others. Fostered a ridiculous crush (don't even bother asking) and methodically made up for the loneliness I felt in Beijing by being nocturnal to spend time with friends until after sunrise.

Lesson 9: Jetlag sucks sometimes, but sometimes I can be awesome.

Lesson 10: Just because I make stupid decisions sometimes doesn't mean that my life is over. It just takes time to process and redirect.

Lesson 11: Lust (and its logical conclusions) < Love

Then I went to Texarkana for a few days and saw my parents, did some reading and studied some Chinese at Starbucks.

Lesson 12: Starbucks everywhere have creepers that like to hang out there and feel important.

Lesson 13: Family is important, even when it drives me crazy.

Next came a very brief stint in Conway leading to a roadtrip to Illinois. I stayed in the western edge of the Chicagoland sprawl for most of the time, and I went into the city a few times in the month that I was interning for Jacob's Well. During this time, my sister had a daughter and I became the world's proudest uncle.

Lesson 14: Growth will happen in a healthy environment. It doesn't take coercion.

Lesson 15: (via Erwin McManus) Hope and Laughter are crucial to the human spirit. Without them, we will stop being fully human and live apart from what we could be. It seems overly simplified, but I'm learning that it's true. Without something to look forward to, we lose all sense of purpose. Without laughter (which people do naturally, interestingly enough), we stop connecting with the world, and we stop being able to deal. (See the book Soul Cravings).

Lesson 16: I am a city dweller at heart.

Lesson 17: Organizations are inherently flawed because they are made of people. An organization without flaws is simply being dishonest. And the beauty is that people can adapt and grow and learn.

Lesson 18: I can walk anyone through the complexities of ordering coffee beverages.

Lesson 19: I love people.

Lesson 20: I can be in total love with someone I've never met simply because of who she is to me.

I returned to Arkansas, to Conway, and set up shop again. School has begun, and now I am getting back on the bicycle that is my academic career. My friends are back, and I'm looking forward to graduation, graduate school, and life after studies.

Lesson 21: I cannot reiterate it enough: friends are the family we choose.

Lesson 22: "Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lesson 23: When a place is left, it changes. When it is returned to, it is different. People change, move, flow, flex, grow, recede. Trying to fit back into a previous mold is as useful as trying to step in the same river twice (just as our Taoist friends). A new trail must be blazed with the machete of experience and the wisdom of failures past.

And so it is. Just so, and never ended. With greatest love.

T

2009-08-06T21:28:00.000-07:00

Well, best things first. I am now the proud uncle of a lovely little girl named Reagan Claire. She was born on Wednesday while I was at the Lincoln Park Zoo in Chicago. I can't wait to get back to Arkansas to meet her and start working my way into the slot of favorite. (It will be so.)

I also got to hang out this week with a great group of youth and sponsors from Mesquite, TX. I had a lot of fun with them, and I really appreciated that they kept such good attitudes about the working and the walking all week. Two days of Art in the Park and a couple days of Kendal County Fair plus some church, a bonfire, and some Chicago touring later, it's bittersweet to see the last group of summer volunteers go.

This week I've been reading The Shack by William Paul Young, and I must say that my cynicism about Christian fiction has been slightly abated. I realize that the plot in action here is mainly a skeleton to support the author's musings on theology, but I'll allow it, because his musings are completely and totally worth it. Reading this book (which I probably wouldn't have done without having to do it for work) has been a really great way to push me out of my complacency and back into the fracas of search and honesty and wrestling and (dare I say) surrender that is where I should be.

I've also been indoctrinated into dorkdom by watching Battlestar Galactica from the very beginning in the past week or two. I'm only a bit into the first season yet, since the beginning tv movie took a long time to watch in its entirety. I must say that this show is fascinating me far beyond the reach of Star Wars or its ilk. More on that as it comes.

T

Mies-en-scene

2009-07-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well. I am now living in Oswego, Illinois, with the McClure family. I'm trying to help out with media and tech and general loose ends here in the Jacob's Well community. This is the second of my five-week stay.

Conway countdown: 22 days.

In the mean time, I am having a good time hanging out and taking pictures and setting up lights and driving and playing with little kids and texting my brains out and reading and brainstorming and thinking about things I've been ignoring and whathaveyou.

Today I worked with a joint team that is visiting from Central Church in Conway and Vardaman Street Baptist Church in Wiggins, MS. I worked at the Farnsworth House by Mies van der Rohe in Plano, IL. I got to tour the house while I was there, and it was beautiful. The cradle of modern architecture, the birth of the IKEA aesthetic, was laid bare before my eyes. Pretty nifty. I spent my day clearing brush from the trail that leads to the house to that a view of the river is possible as one approaches the house.

I left with the following souvenirs:
-a slight sunburn and general abbrasions
-the skull of an unidentified small mammal
-my first ever bee-sting

Who knows what tommorow might bring?

T

2009-07-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

I am in America.
I am in Arkansas.
I was in Conway. Now I'm in Texarkana.

I have insomnia.
I am bored.

The end.

T

T-Rex takes Shanghai

2009-05-13T23:09:00.000-07:00

Well, my dears, I am alive and well in the People's Republic of China once again. This time I am living in China's largest, most populated city, the Pearl of the Orient, Paris of the East, Shanghai. Things here are a tad different than Beijing, but it's chabuduo yi yang (just about the same). On this jaunt I am living in a dormitory on the campus of East China Normal University (Hua Dong Shifan Daxue or Hua Shi Da). The dorms here are considerably nicer than the one I lived in for a semester at Bei Shi Da, but I am sharing a room with another guy on my university's trip.

Since I've been here, I've been in classes half days except for twice a week when we have supplementary culture classes. I'm learning calligraphy (shu fa) and taiqi (taiji quan). I am certainly enjoying my classes here, they are a lot better at getting me to think in Chinese than stateside classes ever could be, but they are less pressure than I had at Bei Shi Da. This is probably because ECNU doesn't have the enormous reputation to uphold that Bei Shi Da has. Also, my class this time isn't composed entirely of Indonesian and Korean students whose livelihood depends on learning the language. My classmates are from Turkey, Russia, France, Japan, Vietnam and Kazahkstan (I think, I haven't talked to him one on one, and his Chinese kind of sucks). I feel like the class is a bit too easy for me, but I'd rather have it a bit easy than as ridiculously hard as it was up north. I am not learning much as far as structure goes, but I am getting some new vocabulary, so I feel like it's an accomplishment.

Outside of classes, I've become kind of a China-sherpa for my schoolmates. I speak fairly fluently and understand what is going on most of the time, so I can show them things and teach them lessons they would otherwise miss. Often they tell me they wish they had my skills in the language or customs. I remind them very bluntly that I'm not magic and I came by them the hard way. All that being said, we're having a good time, and I'm enjoying standing back and watching these kids be amazed by a country and people I love. I am watching them discover for the first time what I might now take for granted, and seeing through their eyes has endeared the people to me more. There are definite aspects of this trip that are different from the last one that are liberating. The demands on my time are less, and the objectives are fewer. I don't begrudge the last trip these things, but those constraints lifted make just going to university almost like vacation. I know what is expected and I deliver it with minimal stress.

Today I took everyone out for our first real encounter with street foods. I got my jianbing (the burrito that I've been longing for), and some southern-style steamed jiaozi (dumplings) that were decent. Not as good as Beijing's, but they are a Beijing local specialty. Noodle carts are a lot more common here in the south, and I have yet to learn how to really order noodles. Soon, my precious(es), soon. Also, very high on my priorities list is yang rou chuanr (charcoal roasted lamb on a stick). I located a chuanr guy last night right across the street from the university's main gate, and he and I will likely become good friends. I'm also learning to order bubble tea with tapioca "pearls"in it. I discovered a toffee/white chocolate drink at one of the bubble tea stands that I really like.

As for nuts and bolts of living, I've been well. I have had very little jetlag other than being kind of tired mid-morning while sitting in class. I did stay up all night before I left and then I slept probably 8-9 hours on the plane. I think that helped. Thank you Final Ho-Down and sleeping pills. Other than that, I'm staying hydrated and getting enough sleep. Chinese food makes me happy, and my stomach has yet to complain. I ate some stinky tofu on a stick the other day, and my tastebuds complained (violently), but my stomach didn't seem to care.

Finally, project T-Race and the T-Rex is underway. I gave out plastic dinosaurs (the word for which I learned today, it's Kong Long) to friends going all over the place this summer, and they have instructions to take pictures of the dinos doing fun stuff characteristic of the places they go. They are going to France, India, Slovakia, China, El Salvador, Guatemala, and maybe Ukraine if I can talk Bethany into joining up. Eventually the pictures will tell the story of a summer, of my friends, and of the crazy way our world keeps turning. I've already got my dino eating Mao's face, fighting a fried prawn, standing in a boat, standing in a pagoda, and terrorizing a police car. I think he ate some tofu last night, too.

That's enough for this one, right? Ask me your questions if you have them.

Love

T

2009-05-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

In all seriousness, this week has been intensely hard. I was in withdrawals from anti-depressants for a few days (thought I had diabetes, cancer, blood pressure issues, you name it) but that got taken care of, as I am once again medicated. Also this week, I got a firm talking to from my Kaplan boss for not doing what I thought I did. Apparently I didn't do it in a way that she could see. I don't know what the break down was, but it was kind of upsetting. I spent a trillion dollars on meds, a storage unit, etc. I defended my research proposal. I got it rejected. Nothing I've done at the ice cream place has been good enough. And my car battery died because I left my interior lights on.

Last night, however, the UCA Undie Run happened. It happens every semester during finals week. It's a good way to blow off steam. Well, I mean, I don't do it, but here's the scene in my building.
T

2009-04-17T13:05:00.000-07:00

I've been a Kristin Chenoweth fan for decades, and so I've known about "Taylor the Latte Boy"for a while. And today, I discovered the rebuttal. And laughed heartily.

There goes gravity

2009-04-16T14:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, yes, I am still alive, and I still have this blog, and I still love you all. Since we last spoke, I've done makeup to look like I had an infected brown recluse bite (see Facebook photos), made myself into a Golem, gone to see a friend's band play their second ever show, fallen dreadfully behind in schoolwork, been to Texarkana*, been to Mena*, worked like mad, survived on Starbucks, and gotten my oil changed. Have I left anything out? Oh, also, have developed a mild case of insomnia.

* indicates more to come, not a trademark or anything.

This past Thursday night, a line of nasty storms went across the Natural State and spawned some nasty tornadic activity. Unfortunately, three were killed in-state, and the worst of the tornados happened around Mena, which is where Jewelie (w/Peanut) and Nevada live. Nevada was at play practice and Jewelie was home hiding in a closet when the tornado hit. Nevada was in precarious proximity to the storm, and the time was undoubtedly horrifying, but they all made it through with no harm. The neighborhood in which they lived a scant handful of months back was greatly damaged, and we are very blessed that they don't live there anymore. Thus, I went to Mena to visit them and assess the situation with the fam this past weekend.

Also on Thursday night, a young lady with whom I grew up was shot and killed by her husband during what we must assume was a domestic dispute. I am still very much processing what this means for the world in which I live, but I think it puts us in the line of crappy. In the wake of these two events, I begged out of work for the weekend and took flight for the comforts of lonesome old Texarkana. I stayed there from Friday until after the funeral on Tuesday. I got nothing done academically, and thus I'm farther behind in school than I was before. However, I am very glad that I had the proximity and ability to be in town for the funeral, and I was very honored to be a pall bearer in the ceremony. What happened after the graveside was a strange reunion of the old Central Baptist youth group, and the places each of us have come to in life are diverse and strange. I hope and pray that the next time we reunite, it will not be because one of us has died.

Now for dinner, followed by chaining myself to this computer and getting things done.

T

2009-03-31T19:39:00.000-07:00

Today in Stage Makeup we did blood and gore. What do you think?That would be a gunshot wound, a gash, a third degree burn, a black eye, and a second degree burn (which you can't really see from this angle).

Apart from dying (brutally), today has been pretty good. I went and watched American Idol with a few friends from church, and that was fun. I don't care about Idol, but we got to critique the performances and do a little rooting for Kris Allen, our Conwegian making good.

I did learn that my friend Ngozeka is featured on the upcoming week's issue of Sync magazine, which is a Central Arkansas society and scene thing. She does some modeling, and a picture of her in a beautiful dress at the end of a catwalk is going on the cover. Behold.

Tomorrow I will be taking my first plunge into the Antioch drama team; there is a scene to do for this Sunday. I'm glad to be getting involved and to watch my church connections spread a little bit further.

And now, friends, it is time for me to go back to my place of residence.

T

2009-03-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

I suppose a blog post is in order. I've been working a lot and going to school and hanging out and partying and all of that stuff one does in college. I've finally turned in my IRB to be scuttled along the routes that such things take. Hopefully, when it passes, I'll be one step closer to thesis interviews.

I've been working a lot, and thankfully that means I'm being productive with otherwise wasted hours and being paid at least something for it. I'm going to start saving more of my paychecks now that I've blown through my first one so quickly. China looms, indeed. I really kind of like my work, though it's embarrassing to admit that one likes a menial job. I like talking to people and helping them navigate through the endless possibilities of a trillion flavors and mix-ins. Making waffle cones is fun, too.

I've been in a rough spot personally lately, and that sucks, but I suppose it happens. We're seasonal creatures, after all. Perhaps it's discontent or loneliness or the realization that the bubble of college is quickly drawing to an end. C'est la vie, they tell me. I've been learning phrases in French and Japanese lately.

T

I'll have a Smooth Mint Masterpiece.

2009-03-16T12:57:00.001-07:00

Things at work are going pretty well for me. I like dealing with the customers, and my bosses are really laid back. I feel like I'm a go-to for when people don't show or when they need something, and so that's a nice feeling. Today I got called in, so I'm heading to work shortly for an indeterminate number of hours tonight. I suppose that if we're closing at 9, though, even if I stay the whole time it won't be too bad. Those 9 hour weekend closing shifts take it out of me, though. Good heavens. I worked 22.5 hours this past weekend. Yeah, I had (almost) no time to go out. Things will be calming down soon, though. They are hiring more people and getting a routine established.

I discovered today that I can't get any equipment to do my midterm project for Cinematography that is due on Wednesday. That's swell. Ugh. So I guess I'm going to do all the paperwork and talk to Huixia about it, since it's not exactly my fault that I can't get it done. I mean, it's not like my friends are going to have professional lighting kits lying around that I can just borrow. I could scrounge a camera, but not lights and flags and filters and C-stands.

So, yeah. I also have a 3-5 page script due on Thursday. I haven't figured it out just yet, but I'm thinking about it. It's just going to be a simple thing, probably three scenes. I'm working on a film about Jeremy (well, a fictionalized Jeremy) and his escapades in a creeper-van, and how he can't get any friends. It's a comedy.

T

Welcome to MarbleSlab and the Great American Cookie Company

2009-03-11T07:01:00.000-07:00

Tonight is the soft opening of Conway's MarbleSlab on Salem. We are inviting friends and family to come and let us practice serving customers... and as my family doesn't live within a hundred miles, I'm inviting the Starbucks kids and a few others. So far the job seems pretty easy. I like working with customers (as a general rule, I like the public), and the ice cream aspect is pretty simple. My co-workers are younger than I am, which makes me feel like a grandpa, but it's cool. One of them reminds me of Billy Boyles from AHS, and that's amusing. My bosses seem pretty laid back so far, and so I think this could be a good gig.

My IRB is almost completed, I am waiting for an email from Tricia over in the Honors office to plug in some information, and then I'll be able to print it out. Today I worked on the Informed Consent Cover Letter that has to be attached to the IRB. When it all gets done, I'll print that, the IRB, and my NIH completion certificate. I should probably do some actual research today, as well.

Last night I went to the Flying Saucer with Jem, Jenny, Jacob, and Ben. It was pub quiz night, and we didn't do too well, but we had fun anyway. Jem and I rode down together and back, and we had a nice time chatting and listening to the new U2 album, No Line on the Horizon.

2009-03-08T21:04:00.001-07:00

I start my new job tomorrow at 4. I'm excited to be working more consistently, but I'll definitely need to learn to juggle my school work more effectively. So, we'll see.

I've been awfully lax in my work on the thesis lately. I plan to spend my morning and early afternoon working on that. Hopefully I can get that done.

Her Morning Elegance

2009-03-04T19:02:00.000-08:00

This is "Her Morning Elegance" by Oren Lavie. I think the video is genius.

I've had a personally sort of tumultuous week, but I think things are straightening out now, and no, I don't want to talk about it. (What a teaser that was...)

My studies are coming along alright, but this morning I skipped Cinematography in order to work on my IRB (Institutional Review Board) submission. I have to do this in order to conduct interviews for my thesis. The online training was horribly boring, but I finished it, and I did enough of the actual submission to work through the rest of it with Adam during our weekly meeting. He's an old pro at these, since he does Ethnographic field work a lot.

Tomorrow I have a Chinese vocabulary quiz, a Makeup lab, and a Script Analysis character biography due. In the reverse of that order. What a day! Oh, mid-terms are upon us.

T

2009-02-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

This is funny.

The end.

T

Lend, Lending, Lent

2009-02-26T16:05:00.000-08:00

It's Thursday, but my body tells me it's Friday. I have come to associate Thursdays with the end of the week, with finality and self-led study and freedom. This is wonderful, except that I get confused sometimes, like today, when I kept asking Jenny questions about the weekend and finally got frustrated when she reminded me that tomorrow is Friday. It's hard being me.

This week I didn't have Stage Makeup because Shauna, the teacher, canceled it both times. It created a nice gap of time for me in the middle of the day, but unfortunately I didn't know we weren't having class, so I showed up only to leave soon thereafter.

Chinese also went well this week. The class has fallen in number to three enrolled students, and one of them was not in attendance either day this week, so just Lu JieXi (Jessica) and I had Dr. Zhuang all to ourselves. I like the other girl in the class well enough, but she doesn't study or really care about learning the language, so it seems sometimes like she's a bit of a burden. That sounded condescending. Today we had an awesome class. Zhuang Laoshi was able to go through a whole new section with the two of us and explain etymology of new characters and how they can be re-used in other words. That's the beautiful thing about characters. A suit of clothes and a set of silverware and a suite of furniture and a set of appliances and all the props for a play are expressed in the same structure with only one character changing in each one. It's pretty cool. One wish I have is that if I ever pass a decent level of the HSK (that is, the test of one's ability in Chinese), I'd love to learn about ancient Chinese and how the characters emerged. It is truly one of the most fascinating and culturally revealing pursuits I've ever come across.

Lent started yesterday. I've not completely settled on what I'm doing. That is, I realize that the whole point is to go through this season with my brothers and sisters as we all observe the time leading up to Holy Week. But I am not sure what to do. I started by trying to do a traditional prayer schedule and using traditional prayers. It isn't that I think these prayers are magical, but I just wanted to experience something so outside of my tradition and yet inside the bounds of what is considered orthodox Christian faith. Problematically, I don't really know how to get into a schedule like that proscribed by praying the office. Other options are on my horizon, and I have the discernment not to be worried about the legalities of Lent. I think they are off the target of the season, anyway. Another aspect of my wrestle with Lenten devotion is that I actually think it's important. I don't ascribe any salvific power to it, of course, but I do think that by fasting from something for a season, it brings to mind the greatest event in the history of man on a very real, very regular basis. It isn't about giving up sodas or not eating chocolate, but being reminded throughout the day that there is one who died and rose again, and that he is more real even than that craving that seems earth-shaking in the moment. I guess that kind of regular, physical and immediate reminder is why it seems important.

The gravity begs that I not push it aside, even if my Baptist brethren tend to eschew it as a Catholic practice.

T

2009-02-24T18:30:00.000-08:00

This video made me laugh in a sad, frustrated understanding. I'm only 22, but I've been on the other end of a lot of CSR lines in my day. Ugh. It's not Verizon, it's everybody.

Conjunction Junction, what's your function?

2009-02-23T19:29:00.000-08:00

I made it safe and sound back to Conway this evening. I spent my drive time thinking and pondering and praying and listening to Damien Rice's album O. One of the things on the forefront of my mind is how I will possibly ever be able to attack this thing I'm calling a thesis. It still seems like a mountain of information into which I cannot find an entrance. I need a metaphor into which I can fit my history and conjecture (I considered using the logos of the first chapter of the Gospel of John, for example). Perhaps a trail of artifacts like Peter Hessler used in Oracle Bones could work-- I already have the Nestorian stele in Xi'an from 600 AD. I feel a bit like I'd be raiding Hessler's work, though, in doing that. Another aspect of this work that I have yet to really consider to the full is the personal element. How will I be relating my experiences and my perceptions to the history I'm learning?

One idea I had that sounds tantalizing, is to figure out the path of the high points of the journey of Christianity into China and into the present, and to actually visit those sites this summer. It wouldn't be impossible to do in a couple months, especially if I utilize my proximity while in Shanghai. Xi'an, Macau, Guangzhou, Nanjing, Beijing. We'll see. I'd certainly love to find a reason to do all this traveling. And the money...

I read this article about rebranding the No Child Left Behind Act. My fav0rite suggestion for a name change: the Double Back Around to Pick Up the Children We Left Behind Act.

Also, I just learned that Matteo Ricci was burried in Beijing. Good to know.

T

Pictures for the win...

2009-02-20T21:47:00.000-08:00

I drove down to Texarkana for the weekend, which for me began on Thursday and stretches clear 'til 10:50 Tuesday morning. I decided that it would be best for me to put in as much time as possible with my parents in the near future. My reasoning feels pretty solid-- once I begin working for Marble Slab (not to mention Kaplan's end of semester push) I won't have the time or energy to come home for long weekends. Add to that my impending summer-length absence, and I feel like it's for the best to be connected as much as possible with my folks.

I am a bit worried about my laptop. Well, I suppose that's an understatement. The tip of the charger broke off in the port, so there is no way for me to charge my battery any longer. Thus, the computer itself is rendered useless as far as I can see. Also, I'm on my second harddrive and the screen has issues, not to mention that the battery doesn't hold more than 30 minutes of charge. This has brought my stress level up considerably, but short of a conversation with the parents this weekend, I've had no real ideas. I'm planning on having said conversation tomorrow. It's definitely not the end of the world, but research is definitely hindered when I can't keep a running document in front of me. Fortunately, I was able to email all my notes to myself once I realized what was going on and before the battery ran out. No harm, no foul. Also, I have all my newspaper and journal articles stored in a folder on my Gmail account, so that's awfully handy.

For those wondering how my stage makeup class has been going, our first real project was this week. We did gender-bender, where the ladies were made to look like men and vice versa. This was not drag makeup, rather we were trying to simulate a normal-looking person of the opposite gender. Here's a before and after for you.

Before (actually, this was taken my first week in China, so before... the bags under my eyes that don't go away, before I spoke Chinese, before I'd ridden an elephant, and a lot of other stuff.) Mainly, before any makeup.

After
Mom thought Granny would get a kick out of seeing that. The wig is courtesy my friend Bekah (@bekbeks for the Twitter-ers), we sit next to each other in makeup class and have a grand ol' time. I think I make a decent looking blond, but I was glad to get all that stuff off my face. Eye-liner is still my nemesis, but I'm learning to deal with it. Still to come: death and disease, gore, old age, viva glam, and characters.

Happy weekend before Lent.

T

The Siren's Call

2009-02-18T13:00:00.000-08:00

Lately I've begun to wonder if the things in my head and heart are the things that are actually coming out in real life. That is, I want to be someone who is loving and changing the world and helping and creating. However, I often feel like I'm just getting by and living for my own comfort. I suppose this realization struck me because as I lay in bed this morning, before I forced myself to get up and face the day, I started to figure up the amount of time left in the semester. Around two and a half months. And that means that in two and a half months I'll be dealing with finals and papers and moving out and plane tickets and visa extensions and goodbyes. It also means that I have crap loads of work to do and be and say before that point. There are so many things I'd like to be involved with, so many people I'd like to invest in and be invested in in return. But where is the time?

Probably spent in Starbucks, in all honesty. I'm twenty yards away from the entrance right now, and it's more than likely my next stop.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't the green siren's fault that I'm wasting time. Sometimes I get loads of work done amid the vroom of the steamer and grind of frappé. More often than not, though, I linger near the pastry case or beside the hot bar chatting the hours away with friends. I know all the drama of who thinks what of whom and which among them are dating. I know who got fired and who should be (for screwing up my DoubleShot today...). But what does it amount to, really? Nothing worthwhile. Yes, I've made some new friends and satisfied a growing love for espresso. But my research is half-hearted and my other classes are endured with the resolve of admirable attendance as the highest goal.

I guess I'm not really down on school, though the speed at which it is drawing to a close is alarming. Rather, I'm just pining to be more plugged in to something meaningful. I've grown a lot this year, I just want more.

And now it's time to check on the Starbucks kids.

T

2009-02-11T11:46:00.001-08:00

This made me laugh: Jonathan Edwards or Death Metal?

Today's been okay so far. We'll see what happens next.

Oh, so I got a job at Marbleslab Creamery which will be opening soon here in Conway (on Salem near Moe's). I'll be working there part-time, and I imagine that will be a good thing for my sanity and my pocketbook.

I've been learning a lot about Chinese history lately. I suppose that's no real shock considering the research, but it is quite interesting. In that vein, yesterday I had my first orientation meeting about going to Shanghai this summer. The Study Abroad Office gave us each a packet, a pen, and a Nalgene bottle. Rocking.

T

Statistics for Pondering

2009-02-09T13:48:00.000-08:00

The religious make-up of China
(as compiled by East China Normal University, 2007)

41.5% Nonreligious
27.5% Chinese folk believers
8.5% Buddhists
8.4% Christian
8.2% Atheists
4.3% Animists
1.5% Muslims
0.05% Other

The other 0.05, we're still not sure.

T

A political muse by someone else

2009-02-07T14:13:00.000-08:00

I had to re-read to make sure I got what this guy was saying, but when I did, it made me laugh. Sorry, Dad.

T

Eggs, Cheese, Yoghurt...

2009-02-07T13:31:00.000-08:00

Earlier this afternoon, I put in some quality time with a book about early Protestant missionaries and their effect on the Taiping Rebellion. Eventually the book wandered away from relevance to the research at hand, my mind turned to mashed potatoes, and my stomach began to growl. I called it good enough, located some food, and came home.

This week has been a good one. I had the opportunity to spend a long weekend with my parents in Texarkana as well as to catch up with some of my church family there. It was nice. I baked 9 loaves of bread and brought them back to Conway with me on Monday. This week I handed them out, and my stock here has gone up dramatically. I'm planning to teach a bread-baking class tonight, so there may be bread in your future. (Nick, I haven't forgotten you!)

Tuesday's classes went without a hitch (though there were obnoxious "evangelists" on-campus), as did Wednesday's. Thursday I had my first makeup class lab. It went as well as could have been expected. I've worn makeup in theatre before, but I've certainly never done it myself, much less done it this way. Things will certainly get better as I understand the face's structure more and more. The prof in the class understands that we men don't know heads from tails right now, and she's very encouraging. I will say that liquid eyeliner got the best of me. I have enrolled in some remedial lessons from my friend and accomplice Bekah. We'll master this once and for all.

Thursday I went and filled out a job application for the new Coldstone Creamery. We'll see how that goes. The pay will be low, but it would be pretty steady. I am on payroll now for Kaplan, but it seems like that will be as-needed, so I'm keeping my options and eyes open.

Friday was supposed to be a research day, but I went to the Starbucks on-campus. Kind of a mistake when I need to get things done. Beyond the proximity to the library, (which I took advantage of) the perks include unending conversation and occasional free drinks. The downside, I suppose, is that it's hard not to let myself be sucked into chatting the day away instead of reading or whatnot.

It seems like this was a grocery list of stuff instead of a good post. I'll think better next time.

T

2009-02-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

This makes the most sense if you're active on Facebook. Everyone's been doing it.

I will blog, but I need to be doing research right now.

T

In My Expert Opinion

2009-01-29T19:24:00.000-08:00

Well, my week has sort of finished. I had Script Analysis, Makeup, and Chinese today without incident. Script was interesting because we're starting to talk about the different structures of films and how they are interrelated. Makeup was filled with shading in the shadows of a line drawing of Barack Obama's face. The teacher was sure to point out that it wasn't a political choice, but that there happened to be a really interesting picture of him on the cover of a magazine. I agree, it was a really good exercise in highlight and shadow of a face. My Obama face turned out a lot better than my weird not-quite-Trace faces. Chinese went alright also, today, though my mind kept drifting off of the particular structure we were studying and into random vocabulary concerns. That would be ok if there were more than four people in the class.

In Chinese I was asked to sit on a panel discussing the Sino-American educational experience. That is, when Americans study in China and when Chinese study in America. I brought more experience to the student side than my peers, but it was of a different type, and so I don't know if it was as relevant as the other panel memebers. I enjoyed sharing my experiences with the people gathered. It was mainly intensive English teachers from the school, as well as some other faculty, and some students who are planning trips to China in the near future.

Who knew I'm a local expert on things?

Tomorrow I'm headed to Texarkana until some time Monday when I'll return to Conway. I've not been home in about a month, so I guess it's time for a visit. Also, it's Missions Breakfast Sunday at Central, and that means Mrs. Louise's biscuits and gravy. Trust me when I say it's worth the drive.

T

Are we human or are we dancer?

2009-01-28T14:11:00.000-08:00

Here are some guys doing an acoustic, Hawaiian cover of "Human" by the Killers. (I love the Killers.)

Here are the Killers doing their own song.

Cinematography class is kind of like academic waterboarding. I had school today, and I totally hoped that we wouldn't because of ice. The ice stayed in bed, so I had to get up.

T

Your Underwear is on the Highway. K-Mart.

2009-01-27T20:51:00.001-08:00

I went to my classes today and actually enjoyed them. I'm not sure when this began, but it might have something to do with a trip I took to the health food store on Friday. Anyway, we talked this morning about the business of being a screenwriter and how you can actually make a decent (though no doubt frustrating) career of writing movies that may never be produced. In makeup class we worked on discovering the highlights and shadows of our own faces by shading in line drawings of completely unisex faces. It took me a while to figure out what was what, but the end result was decent, even if I came out looking like a prepubescent version of the Predator. This afternoon in Chinese was pretty good, too. I feel like I'm definitely at the top of that class, which is a strange exhilaration for my language studies. I also feel really laid back in there, and that the prof and I are able to kind of feel each other out.

The Ice Storm of 2009 hasn't exactly produced like it promised, and school went on like normal today. I'm hopeful for a sheet on ice on the road for tomorrow, though. I mean, not in a dangerous way, just in a school-closing way. There is certainly enough water on the ground from the rain all day today. It was supposed to be colder than it has gotten tonight so far. There was even the rumor of snow forecast for tonight. But so far, it doesn't seem like much is really brewing. The mercury is resting at 34 degrees. Sigh.

-----
I had to make a list of 10 movies that I love for Script Analysis. These aren't necessarily the 10 that I think are the best I've ever seen, but they are the ones I'd watch if I were sick and stuck at home for a few days. They are in no particular order.

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
Directed by Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris
Written by Michael Arndt
--This movie combines several of the taboos of modern society into the components of a dysfunctional family on a mission. Olive wants to compete in a junior pageant, Dwayne is a recluse who reads Nietzsche and wants to be a fighter pilot. Frank is a fallen academic who has attempted suicide, Richard is a failed self-help author, Sheryl a multiple divorcee, and Grandpa is a cocaine addict. The characters are a bizarre and entertaining mix of what it is to be a post-modern American family.

Aladdin (1992)
Directed/Written by Ron Clements, John Musker
--The characters in this movie are the definitions of hero, villain, sidekick, mentor etc. Aladdin has a pure heart and pure love in pursuing Jasmine, but his background gets in the way. The Genie provides mentorship along with a vehicle for Robin Williams to reference everything from Ben Hurr to Jack Nicholson. The exotic setting and a world where magic is real and used for good make (plus the amazing soundtrack) make this movie a favorite.

Good Will Hunting (1997)
Directed by Gus Van Sant
Written by Ben Affleck, Matt Damon
--Will Hunting is both a genius and an everyman. His story of mathematical gifting along with growing up as a poor, average Bostonian provide a window into the emotional life of someone with insecurities and unhealthy relationships along with that of one who has the potential to rise above his circumstances. Another Robin Williams vehicle, this one with references to sports and psychology, the cast members each have individual scenes to shine.

Zoolander (2001)
Directed by Ben Stiller
Written by Ben Stiller, Drake Sather
--A movie about male-models cum international terror weapons is one for the ages. The silly, often bawdy comedy uses physical and verbal humor, along with sight gags to create a surrealistic world. Ben Stiller as Derek Zoolander is a mental blank slate programmed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia. The fights to recover him and to keep him from an assassination involve convolutions that only work in a world of this kind of fantasy.

My Fair Lady (1964)
Directed by George Cuckor
Written by Alan Jay Lerner, George Bernard Shaw (play)
--This movie reminds us that social class is a construct and that with a little song and dance even Rex Harrison is fun. Eliza Doolittle is a flower girl in the street who takes lessons in proper English from Prof. Higgins. A bet ensues that Higgins cannot turn Eliza into a society lady before a ball, and thus Eliza is a pawn instead of a person. Add the 1960’s sets and costumes, plus Audrey Hepburn and a Lerner and Lowe musical, and it’s a force to be reckoned with.

Stranger than Fiction (2006)
Directed by Marc Forster
Written by Zach Helm
--Harold Crick is a character in Karen Eifel’s novel. The problem, of course, is that he’s real, he realizes what’s going on, and she wants to kill him to give the novel a poetic end. This is Will Farrell as the sane bit in an absurd world, and an amazing piece of acting.

Fight Club (1999)
Directed by David Fincher
Written by Chuck Palahniuk (novel), Jim Uhls (screenplay)
--A story told out of sequence because the protagonist has split personalities, this movie is action-filled, but it also keeps the viewer guessing. The apocalyptic philosophy and the slick editing make this movie a perennial favorite.

Rain Man (1988)
Directed by Barry Levinson
Written by Barry Morrow (story), Ronald Bass (screenplay)
--The story of a brother rediscovering his mentally handicapped brother and taking over the charge of him for the wrong reasons seems terrible. When Tom Cruise’s Charlie Babbit realizes how much he actually loves his brother, the story turns into a roadtrip escape from the institution.

The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Directed by Victor Fleming
Written by Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson
--When the screen goes from black and white to Technicolor, I always know that the world of Oz is better than Kansas. As Dorothy makes her way along the yellow brick road, meets friends, and finally gets to go back home, I am always transported on the journey with her. The music and the studio sets add a charm that wouldn’t exist if we pretended Oz were real.

What Dreams May Come (1998)
Directed by Vincent Ward
Written by Richard Matheson (novel), Ronald Bass (screenplay)
--Robin Williams carries another movie. This film about heaven and hell reflects a sense that beauty and appearance are not concrete, but they are the stuff heaven is made of. The visuals in this movie are really effective, even if their computer-generation looks a bit dated. At its core, this is the story of a man’s love for his wife, and its depth is breathtaking.

T

XingBaKe Kafei

2009-01-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

Today I didn't have any class (insert joke here), so I was pretty much autonomous. I spent part of my morning double-checking with student accounts how much my excess aid check will be at the end of this week. We can't afford another mishap like last semester's $640 oversight. It turns out that I pay the Honors College a $100 fee on top of my $25 dues per semester, so that knocks out of my stipend, and my mailbox is likewise not scholarship covered, so away whisks another $5. Even so, I should have enoughto cover supplies for Stage Makeup and have a bit left over to pay some outstanding little debts and to live for a couple weeks. Also, I will get the first portion of my grants for this summer, and I'll use that to pay the deposit for my Shanghai trip.

I'm increasingly excited about the time this summer in Shanghai. I think it will be a good opportunity to be on the ground in China working here and there on a couple of projects as well as being in language classes and doing obligatory tours of silk factories and parks and temples. I will likely be in a class of language beginners, which is less than exciting for my linguistic acquisition, since I probably won't be pushed like I was back at BeiShiDa, but it will make the summer much less stressful. I am also planning on getting some endorsements from either East China Normal University (where I'll be) or Shanghai Institute for Social Sciences as I pursue my thesis work on Christianity in China. I told Adam, my research advisor and former prof, that I will be a research assistant on whatever project he has cooking for the summer, as well. He's one of the trip leaders, and so it seems that it could be profitable to get my name attached to whatever he's working on there.

I went to the library today and discovered that there is actually a whole section about missionaries to China. There's a handy discovery early in the game. So, the question of my thesis is something like "What path did Christianity take from the Nestorian monks in the 6th and 7th centuries to the Three Self Church of today, and how did the governments of China shape that through the ages?" I know that the Taiping Rebellion will be a large part of it, as will the Cultural Revolution, but what about Reform and Opening and the increased globalization wrought by the rise of the internet? Anyway, I'm interested in seeing what it is to be Christian and Chinese. Hopefully I'll be able to bring a personal side to it since I'm a semi-native ethnographer on this project. I am, after all, a Christian who has lived in the ol' Middle Kingdom.

The weather outside is frightful. It's been sleeting and misting and freezing all day. I hunkered down in the Starbucks inside our library all evening and worked on a few homework loose ends, offered my ear to the entire staff as they cycled through their breaks, performed a spontaneous rendition of "For Good" from Wicked for the store to hear my devotion to Patrick the latte boy, and eventually checked out my first books of research material for the thesis. It was a semi-productive 5 hours. I also had a mocha and some brew coffee (though honestly not much because it makes my stomach hurt to have a lot of straight brew), and some pastry goodness.

I left the 'bucks around 9 and walked toward the Forum to hang out with Jenny and blog and perhaps read the books I checked out. On the way, though, I stepped up onto the sidewalk after crossing the street that feeds into Alumni Circle, and it was completely iced over. I went down like a cartoon character, both feet way up in the air over my head. Miraculously my coffee did not dump all over me, it only spilled a bit on the sidewalk. My butt and back are kind of hurting now, but at least I didn't hurt my legs, arms, head or neck. It could have been much worse. After a few unsavory words aimed at sleet and ice and concrete and my sore coccyx, I made it back up on my feet, recovered my coffee and my bookbag, and walked ever -so-carefully to McAlister Hall's relative safety from ice underfoot.

I made a (mostly) magnetic poetry poem today:

see nefarious juggernauts
make austere cunning caterwaul like din
gratuitous you
always wry lest I was to
find joy

I had to write "find joy" on a piece of paper and stick it to the board wit the magnet that says "to" but I think it adds a certain homespun charm.

T

Miss America? Nah, I've hardly left.

2009-01-25T14:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I was slated to be helping with a free practice test event that Kaplan was holding on campus. I needed to be there at 8:15, so I had set an alarm on my phone to wake me up around 7 or so. When I awoke and it was really bright outside, I looked at my phone and it said 7:39. My phone also gave me two texts from my supervisor asking me to be at the library at 7:50 to help her unload all the materials from her vehicle. I sprang into action, threw on some clothes, did the best I could with my hair, brushed my teeth, and headed out the door. I made it there by 7:55 or so, and I'd already talked to her on the phone about where she was going to pull up, etc. Everything worked out fine, but I was stuck without a proper shower for the first half of the day. Lovely.

I spent 9:00 until 1:00 (roughly) proctoring a practice version of the MCAT for a crew of would-be medical school applicants. I basically controlled the kitchen timer for each section, gave them a break at the right time, and answered a question here or there about test procedure and Kaplan products. It went very smoothly, but I did get a little bored just staring at 30 some-odd students' heads, so I read through some of the test. The first section is physical science, so it asks questions about chemistry and physics. It was horrible. It assumes you know what's what and asks real questions! The second section wasn't so bad, it dealt with reading comprehension. The questions were on a pretty high plain, but it was doable. The last section was biological science and asked biology questions. By that point I had lost my interest in becoming a doctor, so I perused Facebook and Blogger on my iPod.

I also encountered this video on YouTube, sans sound, while I was sitting there.

After the test was over and I had closed out my test room, I had a conversation with my supervisor's supervisor. She extended a concrete job offer and asked if it would be ok to include responsibilities at Hendrix along with those at UCA. I said that it would be fine, of course. We discussed compensation, and she told me that I'll get an email Monday or Tuesday to set up payroll and that I will need to email them about the hours I've logged this past week to retroactively be compensated.

Score.

-----

Miss Arkansas made the top 12 in the Miss America Pageant last night. She is a student here at UCA and a very lovely girl. It's too bad that she didn't make it farther, but I know we're all very proud of her here. Miss Indiana won the prize, and she is a very talented young lady who is also very pretty. Her choice of dress, however, was reprehensible.

That's all.

T

Of iPods and LOLCats and Alphabet Soup

2009-01-23T20:08:00.000-08:00

I promise not to become a poster of all things LOLCats, but I thought this one was actually clever.

The week ended, and I was glad when it did. I get the feeling that my classes are going to wipe me out this semester. I have fallen deeply in love with my new iPod Touch. It's so handy to check email and Facebook whenever I'm in a wi-fi zone. And it's nice to have podcasts back in a portable form in my life. Oh, how I love podcasts. Mmm. Not to mention music and tv shows and whatnot at my fingertips. It's a thing of beauty, really.

I had a nice time the other day sitting with Nick at Starbucks and discussing what it is that Conway needs. I mean, we talked about how we can be servants to the community; how we can meet a need. There is an idea percolating that could become a life-changing endeavour. We will see where God leads.

Eryn and Edith are in Chicago for the weekend for a PT school interview. I wasn't able to accompany them to the Second City because I'm broke. However, I'm with them in spirit, and definitely hoping to be able to join in on the next interview trip: Boston at the end of February.

I had a small crisis in my planning to go to China this summer. I got a notice that I needed to pay a $500 deposit to the office of international studies before I could access the grant money for use in paying for that very program. I talked to Tricia in the Honors office, and we worked something out so that I will be able to get a bit of my grant money early and pay the deposit. Whew!

Working for Kaplan this week has been a pretty good gig. I manned a table in the Student Center during lunch hours, and I did some flyering. It went well, I thought, and tomorrow I've got to be at a practice GRE/LSAT/MCAT, etc. that Kaplan is giving here on campus. So far I've kind of been in a trial period so that my supervisor could see if I'm actually going to work out for marketing, and soon we're slated to have a "what does this job look like" conversation to get things rolling in the direction of gainful employment.

Speaking of gainful employment, my parents got my W2 form from working for Liberty Tax. I wish I hadn't been reminded how much money I made at that job, because it makes me want to hit somebody. In the long run, I think I lost money working for them. Ugh.

I would like to start working out in the gym again. I haven't done that consistently since I was a Freshman. I really like working out, but it's hard to get into the swing of it initially, and it's not so fun to go it alone, anyway. Next week, hopefully, my cold stuff will be totally gone, and I can think about exercise once again.

T

The Hizzy

2009-01-22T17:16:00.001-08:00

Here are some pictures of what my place looks like. I rearranged the furniture over the holidays, and put art in different places. Please to enjoy.

T

Love Roller Coaster of Love

2009-01-20T18:43:00.000-08:00

Well, a lot has happened, as is the nature of life. Barack Obama is finally the president of our country, and I must admit, the proceedings (except the actual, awkward oath-swearing and the sad excuse for a Whitmanian poem) were wonderful. I watched CNN as Obama addressed the nation for his first time, and I must say, I sighed relief as he offered something we've needed for a long time, and that is hope. Stuff sucks. It's not all Bush's fault, and I don't think Obama can possibly fix it all, but isn't it nice to see someone being honest and squaring with the country while inspiring us to do what is necessary to make it better. I don't know where our new president will take us, but, in all honesty, the America he is inheriting is not the America that Bush inherited. We've changed dramatically since 2001. People don't think or act or live the same way they did. My prayer is that Obama will be used to lead the country into a modicum of sanity that our bursting bubbles and fervent unrest seem to keep just out of reach.

I watched the inauguration because I didn't go to my first class today. I didn't go to my first class because I was sick. I woke up last night around 4:45 with a searing pain in my throat (that's been around lately) and decided to get up and have some water and pain relievers. When I got to the bathroom, I became really dizzy and nauseus, so I went and hung out with the toilet for a little while. After a few minutes curled up on the bathroom floor, the wave of disorientation passed and I took some naproxen sodium and went back to bed. A few minutes later, lying in bed, I became nauseus again, went to the bathroom, and it passed again. This time when I returned to bed, I lay shivering and with teeth chattering for a few minutes, realizing that I must have had a fever. The naproxen sodium is a fever reducer, and eventually I went to sleep until my alarm went off.

This morning I got up and showered and set to work on my homework for my Script Analysis class at 10:50. I deemed that after the escapades of the wee hours I was not up to par for the day, so I was going to stay in. As I was working at my computer, I got a call from Monique, my liason with Kaplan. She said she would be on campus today and wanted me to come give her my paper work and introduce me to the campaigns that are going on right now. So I got dressed and decided to go to Stage Makeup (since I was going to have to get out anyway), and after that class I killed time and eventually met Monique. Things went well, and I manned a table in the Student Center with her during X-Period. She gave me a stack of flyers and asked me to get them up in the buildings around campus according to the appropriate test-type (GMAT in the business building, etc.).

This afternoon I had diagnostic quizzes in Chinese. They were alright, but my character retention for the last couple lessons is poor. Fortunately we're going to be reviewing a lot, so I should be able to catch up. I posted on Craigslist about a week ago that I would like to do private tutoring for beginning Mandarin. Today I got an email from a man in the Clinton School in Little Rock who wants to learn some Chinese because he is looking to do an internship in China this summer. I told him my best availabilities and what rate I'm looking to charge, so now the ball is in his court. I'm kind of excited to start tutoring. I've wanted to do so since I got back. We'll see where this goes.

So the other day I got a prescription that I needed to fill. Monday, I swung by Walgreens in order to do just that. I had written down the information I needed about my insurance, and I strolled in confidently, knowing what the possibly co-pays would be, and reliant that things would work out. I am naive. Things went smoothly until I they called my name over the intercom to come pick up my drugs. They got the right ones, and then the woman at the counter rang it up: $138.38. I said, "Uh... um... is that with insurance?"

"The insurance covered $20."

"Uh... um... what?!" Panic set in. I have like a dollar. I lost my job last week. There ain't no money.

"Well, did you maybe get a new insurance card at the beginning of the year?"

"Yeah. But I don't have it. Can I get it faxed in to you guys?"

So I got the fax number and left and called mom.

While on the phone, complaining to mom about how her insurance is apparently being sold by snake oil salesmen calling themselves Blue Cross Blue Shield, I realized that I was perhaps barking up the wrong tree. Mental notes were made to call the CSR line and give them their due. Mom went on to note that the bank account at CapitolOne (which has been problematic since the TIME magazine overdraft fiasco) was being cleaned out by the bank. They sent some letter letting us know that they were taking the rest of my money out of the recently resurrected account. Of course, the timing of this conversation was impeccable. I proceeded to have a massive aneurysm in my brain burst and die.

I will say that through the past few days, I've definitely had comic relief to make things better. I had a really good time with my Stages Sunday School peers the other night. My roommates seem to have amusing crises at just the right moments. And I've been trying to hang out with a more broad circle of friends including Meghan, who just moved up to Conway, and Kris, who drifts in and out of my life at just the right moments to remind me that we'll always have something to talk about.

This week I've realized that no matter how much I worry, God has time and plans for what He wants. And even as much as I've stressed, it has done no good, but it's probably made me stay sick. So here's to more lessons learned the hard way. At least these have been comparatively minor.

¡Ay! Mijo, mi corazon, dime.

2009-01-15T22:21:00.000-08:00

TJ is freaking out a tad early about Cinco de Mustache. And I'm unable to resist commenting on his updates, so, of course, it's like a perfect storm. Check him out over at www.chlale.blogspot.com and read the comments. I think it's probably the Beijing winter getting to him; he's pining for warmer days and the high holidays that come with them.

T

My first day of school... again.

2009-01-15T17:39:00.000-08:00

This article was worth a link. It talks about Taiwanese coffeehouses adding sea salt to their drinks and whatnot. It's curious, but did someone miss the memo on Starbucks's seasonal offerings? They had sea salt this winter to sprinkle on top of the foam for some of the drinks. I can't remember what, but I know Edith concocted some variation on the signature hot chocolate, and she sprinkled some sea salt on it. It was darn tastey, too. I don't see what's so shocking. It'd be different if we were reverting to something like the Native American cocoa recipe or something. Anyway, read the article, and I'll keep my eyes out this summer for a 85C Bakery while I'm back in the Middle Kingdom.

Today was the first day of school (my 21st, if you're keeping tab), and I only have to tell one prof to call me "Trace" so that was an improvement. I guess it dimishes the effect a little when you understand that I had to tell one of my profs to call me 龙霓 and then I had to explain which character my given name is, and then we discussed the top and bottom parts of it for the class. (fyi: the top means rain, the bottom is the traditional way to write "er" 儿, the sound of which Beijingers are so incredibly fond) My Chinese prof this semester is our first tenure-tracked Chinese prof here at UCA, and he previously worked at UNLV. His English is really good (though he called it a "tennis bat" today...) and he seems genuinely congenial. However, I must say, he is from southern China, and so his accent is different from the garbled, "n"-dropping, non-jaw-moving, "rrrr"-slinging northern accent of which I call myself a student. He changes sh- to s- and zh- to z- and says "zheli" instead of "zher." We'll accomodate each other, especially since I'll be living in "zheli" land this summer.

Stage Makeup seems like it will be a lot of fun. We have to buy a crapload of supplies (btw, Spell check didn't bat an eye at the word crapload. Lol.) and they will cost a bit, but there is no book, so that's good. I actually don't have to buy any books this semester. Did the "Hallelujah Chorus" just sound in anyone else's head? The class appears to cover makeup schemes for the following: normal faces, middle age, old age, gender reversal, drag queens (entitled, I kid you not "Viva Glam!"), gore (in 3D!), death/diseases, character-specific, and one of our choice. It should be fun. My friend Bekah B. is in there with me, and she tells me to not worry my little head about Viva Glam! because she has the perfect eyelashes for it. I will here indicate that I am taking the class because it seems relevant for filmmaking in the future, I like to keep a toe in the theatre department, and I need the hours. I mean, how many drag pageants can a person win?

Script Analysis remains to be seen. We watched the first 20 minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey today and talked about what makes stories good, and thus what the essentials of a script are. This may be a good class, maybe not. I have to have it to move forward in my major, so here I go.

Time for a new episode of The Office.

T

Announce Yourselves

2009-01-13T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm stealing the idea for Delurking Day from Donna, who stole it from someone else, and on it goes... So, for you readers out there, leave me a comment. Just leave your name, hometown, major, favorite movie, last music you heard, and what your superpower would be if you could have one. Indeed, I am flagrantly ripping Donna off--but I delurked myself on her comments, so it should be all good.

Besides, I'm awfully curious who actually reads this thing.

T

Unemployment

2009-01-13T17:56:00.000-08:00

So, about that job situation I was talking about last time. Just kidding! I've done a handful of applications in the past couple days, and I'm hoping to hear from them soon. I had a very quick turnover dealing with Kaplan testing company's office in Little Rock. I sent in an information email this afternoon, got a response, sent in a resumé and cover letter, and then got a phone interview this evening. It went really well, and everything sounds a-go. I have to fill out a "real" application for them so they can do a background check, and if that clears (cross your fingers...), I'll start getting acquainted with the company on Wednesday. I'd be working here in Conway doing promotions on the UCA campus, so that's a definite plus.

On the other end of the spectrum, I got an email this evening from Lana at Liberty. She said, "Due to your limited schedule ability along with your location we will not be able to use you in the Jacksonville or Sherwood locations at this time." That is awfully nice of her. Ugh. It sounds fishy to me, especially since I have a fully unoccupied two weekdays each week that could be jam-packed full of work. But whatever.

I've applied to Starbucks, Staples, JavaCity, Sprint, and Kaplan. So, we'll see what comes of all of this. I'm just frustrated that it is all happening at the same time, right now, while I'd rather be focused on the semester starting in two days. Oh, also, I've got some sort of Angry-Sinus-Cold.

Things could be worse, for sure, but they could also be better.

Hello, poverty. I'm Trace.

T

Failure to Launch?

2009-01-11T13:19:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting in the lobby of my building, and a couple of girls are walking through speaking Ukrainian. I admit that it's a little distracting. Today I'm contemplating my own story, how it spans beliefs and years and continents and relationships and coffee shops and books and dreams and struggles and disappointment and fears and successes and semesters and roadtrips. It's been an interesting week or two lately. I don't know what it all means, but I'm definitely seeing myself with a different perspective than I have before.

I've really gotten a lot more involved personally with the small group at Antioch, and I'm glad to have friendships budding on that front. I'm on the precipice of a new semester with a couple of profs I've not had yet, and a few I've had before. I'm looking for a job that is more consistent that the tax company seems to be willing to be. As I am assessing all these things, I'm really brought to the idea of community and "moving in" to whatever space God has put me in. It seems like up to this point I've been living in Texarkana and Conway with little commitment to calling either one home. However, I'm 22 now, and it seems time to call Conway home for real. I'm in my third year of living here. It's where I'm registered to vote. It seems like it's about time for me to actually nest a little bit. I'm not sure why I've had this long transition, this failure to launch, and maybe I really haven't had it such as that. I've got a handful of friends on either side of the divide-- those who have their own houses and multiple jobs and school, and those living like I am in the dorm with negligible employment. It isn't so much an embrace of poverty that has happened in my own mind as it is an acceptance of less. I don't have a real answer for all this, it just is.

Anyway, I'm feeling like it's time to explore Conway, to visit people, get a job that earns actual consistent money, and to live in the place I've been stationed. I've thought this before, it turns out.

I suppose that's all for now. School starts Thursday.

T

A quick look under the hood

2009-01-08T17:32:00.000-08:00

I'm working on the new look of this very blog. It's in transition, and I'm realizing that I haven't done anything in such a long time that I've forgotten a lot of blog design stuff. As if I ever knew that much, anyway. So, yes, I know how ugly the erhu man picture is with that text across his face. I'm working on it. My poor computer has lost a lot of programs over the last year and a half.

Today I took my car to Little Rock to get a new radiator (would've done it in Conway, but it didn't work out). I hung out at the Starbucks on Chenal while I was waiting. It was a good thing for me to be alone and reading and journaling and thinking today. I've been having such a battle with apathy and not wanting to fight and grow and be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Sometimes, I'm afraid, it's so easy to just do whatever that it takes noticing bad habits over time to wake up. So, long and personal story short, the time in Starbucks was time well spent.

After that, Jenny picked me up and we went to McDonald's so I could eat lunch (I eat McDonald's now that I've lived in China...), and then to Park Plaza to walk around until my car was ready. At PP we went into A&F (which is not among my habits), and inside working was a girl we met at a party on New Year's. Small world. So we chatted for a few minutes, promised to Facebook friend each other, and then left. A jog through Romancing the Stone (which almost kills me now that I can read Chinese) and I got the call I was waiting for. Back to the mechanic, a quick but hefty debit card swipe, and I was on my way back to Conway with a shiny new radiator.

It's weird how I never noticed my temperature levels until my radiator started acting up. And then it's like that's all I could notice while I was driving. Watching a temp gague as awkwardly placed as the one in my car is far more distracting than texting, by the way. I'm so glad that my vehicle is in good working order once again. As Nick noted the other day, I drive more than most people. I ping-pong back and forth around central Arkansas like it's going out of style, and that's not a bad thing. I suppose that now that my car is healthy, I don't have to worry for a while, and I can get back to my regularly scheduled life. Whatever that looks like.

T

Unto you a child is born. Shazaam!

2009-01-06T10:43:00.001-08:00

I am allowed to say it now. I've been secretive since Christmas.

In August, yours truly will become an uncle.

My sister is pregnant, and we're very excited. Jewelie and Nevada gave mom and dad The Complete Idiots Guide to Grandparenting for Christmas at their house, and thus the beans were spilled. The doctor's visit yesterday was confirmation that everything is going well, and that Peanut is indeed germinating properly, so now we're able to talk about it. God's little surprises are interesting, right?

It's time for me to go to work.

T

Epiphany and my day

2009-01-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

Today is Epiphany. Jesus's manifestation to Gentiles is kind of a big deal. I'm glad the Magi followed the star.

Today I return to work. I'm finally getting trained to do the marketing business-to-business stuff I need to do. Return to work means return to some structure. And, eventually, a paycheck.

I need to get my car fixed. My radiator is leaking still. I found that there are three radiator shops in Conway, and whenever people get back and can transport me to and fro, I'll be on it. Any of y0u Conwegians have a recommendation?

I'm bidding on my Christmas present on eBay. I'm trying to get a new iPod, but I don't want to pay full price. So far I'm doing alright. I'll let you know if I keep the bid or not.

Tonight I'm going out with some friends for my friend Whit's birthday. It's not going to be a big deal, just a jaunt to the Rivermarket, but it should be fun. There will be a real birthday party for her this weekend, so tonight is a casual thing.

The weather outside is ulgy, but fortunately it doesn't seem to be icing the roads. That's good, since I have some driving ahead of me. Nick informs me that I drive more than anybody he knows. I realized that this is probably true. I started counting up all the trips I've made in the last few months, and it's ridiculous. Lufkin, Dallas, Bay Springs, Conway/T-town (x infinity), Mena, plus Conway/Little Rock/Sherwood/Benton (x infinity). It's a wonder.

T

Gluttony

2009-01-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went to church, and it was good. Afterward I went out with a handful of folks from my Sunday School class. We had a really good time and laughed a lot.

Then, I spent the afternoon beached on the sofa watching the History channel. It's Armageddon Week, people! 2012 is coming! Nostradamus told us so! Actually, the programs I watched yesterday were about the 7 deadly sins. I watched "Envy" and "Gluttony." When the show about gluttony ended, I decided it sounded like fun, so...

Jeremy's mom is back from Moldovan Peace Corps service for a bit. And they threw a party in honor of such last night. Jenny and I went. The food. Oh, the food. Jennifer (Jeremy's mom) owned a restaurant in the River Market up until a couple years ago. And she hasn't forgotten anything. Mediterranean cheesecake (think the classiest, most chock-full-of-magic savory cream cheese/pesto/olive/garlic thing ever), stuffed grape leaves, spring rolls, handmade pizzas, and lots of wine were the menu of the night. While being as gluttonous as buffet grazing allows, I decided to not also be drunken (not that I make it a habit), so I had one good glass of Prosecco and that was it. The party was kind of dull for a while, but eventually people warmed up to each other, and I really enjoyed myself. I knew all of two people there decently well, a handful or acquaintances, and a bunch of by-reputation-onlys. By the time Jenny and I left, though, we were all decently acquainted (I mean, as much as you get at such a party), and it was fun.

Movies watched lately:
Atonement**
Bridget Jones's Diary*
Final Destination*
Love Actually**
Mean Girls**
Good Will Hunting (one of my all-time favorite movies)**
The Fountain**
Last Holiday*

In the queue:
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind*
Sideways*
The Island*
The Day After Tomorrow*
About Schmidt†

*movie I've never seen, but everyone else has
**movie that deserves a re-watch
†movie that no one has seen

T

Happy New Year

2009-01-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

It is now 2009. I am not making any resolutions, but I am going to try and be generally more pro-active in my choices and aware of myself this year.

I came up to Central Arkansas on New Year's Eve (Wednesday) and went to Jenny's house in Sherwood. We had a New Year's Party that night, and a few people stayed over. It was fun. Thursday was a bit less climactic. Jenny and I shopped for a little while in a few places around Little Rock, and eventually I came to Conway to settle back into my place. Thursday night I watched Final Destination. It is entertaining while being horrible at the same time. It's definitely creepy. Yesterday I was kind of lazy. I puttered around my place and did little bits of this and that. I did manage to watch Love Actually yesterday. I've seen it before (kind of), and I have to say that it's a really good movie. A lot of amazing actors are in it, and it's very interestingly interwoven. Plus, it's British, and as the movie makes fun of, Americans love British accents.

Last night was the engagement party for Steven and Bekah, so I went to that in Maumelle. Pictures on Facebook attest to such. It was awfully fancy, and I had a good time.

So, as long promised, I have pictures to post!

We're a pretty serious family at Christmas in Mena with Jewelie and Nevada.

But Dad finds the apple of his eye: Ralph, my nephdog.

We went to Granny's house for Christmas, but I feel we might have out-stayed the welcome. Just kidding.

Aren't Lydia and Lucas (my cousin, Chris's kids) cute little things?

And, finally,

Aaw, lookit! They're gonna get married...

T

2008-12-30T14:40:00.000-08:00

My car got a new starter yesterday and a leak at the radiator fixed. It's like a brand new 13-year old Jimmy!

I'll be hitting work again Tuesday, which is a good thing and means that I can come into the world of working adults a bit more.

Americans are still arguing about stuff. Like always. But I think argument is a good thing if it goes somewhere.

I promise, pictures will eventually happen.

T

Click the links.

2008-12-26T13:24:00.000-08:00

This makes me more excited than most things.
This, however, is definitely in the running.

And it's all made better by this.

This isn't a new thing, and I've been aware of them for a while, but it certainly is cool.

T

Sheng Dan Jie kuai le, y'all!

2008-12-25T21:14:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, from Bay Springs, Mississippi!

There will be stories and photos galore. Eventually.

Things to note:
-giving a 7 year-old a rifle
-my car's radiator is messing up
-I will be 400 lbs. by the time I get back to Arkansas (Granny's cooking...)
-I finished those two books and the scarf
-tomorrow, lunch with David in Laurel
-I love candle-light Christmas services with songs and whatnot. I cannot stand most other Christmas music. Especially when it issues forth from a metal box inside something plush. I make a motion they be banned henceforth.
-retraction: when I railed against the Gleaner a while back, I mis-typed. I meant the Trumpet, for those of you who know what that is. I have no beef with the Gleaner, and I think the pictures are pretty.

T

Your sins are none of my business.

2008-12-24T12:44:00.000-08:00

So, I'm thinking. It's dangerous.

"Why don't you speak more plainly?" we ask. Would it really do us any good if he [God] were to speak more plainly? He has already said much more than most of us want to hear. He commands us very plainly to love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse us, and pray for those who mistreat us (Luke 6:27-8). What wants to hear these things, let alone obey them? The church can't even stop cursing those who curse us, much less bless them. Why should God speak more plainly to people who ignore his clearest commands? Why would he unlock the secrets of his kingdom to a church that seems bent on mutual destruction?
(From Surprised by the Voice of God, 330)

I was reading this, and it occurred to me that the idea of loving those who hate us, etc. is a pretty foreign concept. It isn't for lack of good intentions, I am sure. I've heard all my life that we are to love the sinner and hate the sin. I will agree with this in theory. However, when we associate the sin with the sinner specifically, I am not so sure that this is possible. For instance, I have heard stories innumerable of this person or that who has started attending church. He was an alcoholic, she has three kids and no marriage licenses, and the list goes on. When we define people with their sins, it is very easy to miss the people altogether. It is also easy (seductively so) to fall into gossip this way, too.

Furthermore, (and this is the real revelation) people's sins are not our concern. If it is the calling of the Holy Spirit that convicts, and the redemption of Christ that makes us into new creations, then what is the job of the already redeemed? As I can see it, we are here being made more like Christ as we grow in him, and we are to share the stories that we have. God has rescued me from _____ and he is redeeming me from _____. Because of what he has done, now I am _____. Notice how the focus is shifted from "You know, the Bible says that _____ is a sin, and you'd be much happier if you'd give that over to the Lord." (Not to mention that the felt-need gospel is shallow to begin with...) When we invite others into the story that has already begun, we are inviting them into the broader story of what he is doing. When we focus on what God is doing, and not on what sins others are committing, we are working toward bringing heaven on earth.

Isn't that what we've been praying for for thousands of years?

"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven..."

T

"Seven Pounds" and other things to gain this holiday season

2008-12-22T22:38:00.000-08:00

Today was spent mostly in the house and shopping with Mom. She had a doctor's appointment this morning (and she's off all week for vacation), so after her appointment she came home and we both lazed about until lunch. I baked up some frozen eggrolls (make all the jokes you want), and we had them for lunch. I also took the opportunity to start making dinner during lunch time.

After lunch, we went on a hunt for some clothes for yours truly. As I left half my wardrobe in China this summer, I'm really low on clothes anymore (especially since winter things seemed less pressing, somehow, than souvenirs). Also, I purged my worldly possessions before the Asian experiment even started. So we shopped. Struck out at Old Navy, got a few items at Target, and Ross was another no-go. I am amazed at how disinclined I am toward Old Navy these days. I still float through there regularly as the seasons change, but I find fewer and fewer things I like enough to spend money on. A lot of it, probably, is that I've become increasingly cheap. Other, I think, is that my aesthetic and Old Navy's have diverged as of late. I still like their essential items well enough, but the trendy stuff usually doesn't float my boat these days.

After shopping, we came back home, and I made an eclectic supper. We had tuna on toast, macaroni and cheese (a special, once-in-a-lifetime recipe), and the remainder of the red bean soup I made the other day. It was pretty darn good, if I do say so.

Tonight, I had a brief phone conversation with Rob and Christy as I drove myself to Starbucks to read the Emergent Manifesto book. It was an amusing talk, as per usual, and my reading was fruitful toward food for thought. When reading a collection of essays like this, it's refreshing when a fairly straightforward chapter crops up. Sometimes it feels like a sea of "otherness" is engulfing me. A smidgen of familiarity is nice once in a while, you know.

After Starbucks (where I witnessed Jonathan Elder standing up and pronouncing, loudly, "I love Jesus Christ!" for no apparent reason), I went to the cinema. I saw Seven Pounds with Will Smith and Rosario Dawson.

GO.
SEE.
IT.

I can't really talk about it, because I can't give it away. I'm not even linking it to IMDB.com, because you shouldn't read that crap until you've seen it. I will say I figured out the end out-come, but I didn't see how they would get us there. Wow. Seriously, even if you don't go see movies much, go. There's not really anything objectionable in it (a scene of non-graphic, non-nude sensuality is all I recall), which is surprising, but it is an intense picture. Go. Now.

T

Wall-E sandwiches for everyone!

2008-12-22T16:37:00.000-08:00

This one's for Ethan.

The Mena Thurman-Mills Christmas was a lot of fun. We were lazy and relaxed and surprised and charmed and amused. Well, I mean, most of those. We also took Christmas family portraits, which are forthcoming.

Now I'm in the lead-up to the Thurman-White Christmas extravaganza in Bay Springs, MS. It should be something.

I am impressed at how much reading I've gotten through in the last few days. This leads me to post my goals for this break.

Finish reading An Emergent Manifesto of Hope and Surprised by the Voice of God. These are the theological books I'm working on. They will be done by the end of this week, at the latest. I don't know why it has taken me so long to finish Surprised. I've been reading these books both for a long time, but also both in bursts. I would like to read another book over this break, as well. I started The Metaphysical Club a few days ago, so that may end up being my big winter read. It's kind of hefty. I am also flirting with Istanbul: Memories and the City by Orhan Pamuk.

My other break projects are to finish the scarf I've been working on (seemingly) forever, and to make a hat for myself. I have a really nice, kelly green yarn I bought not too long ago, and I think it would make a respectable hat. We will see.

T

2008-12-20T09:45:00.000-08:00

So I finally stepped up to the plate and began converting to the new normal. I downloaded Firefox to use on my PowerBook (in stead of Safari) and opened a Gmail account. It isn't that Safari and Yahoo! mail haven't been good to me. I just feel like Gmail offers a lot of services I could learn to use, and that Firefox has the fluidity of add-ons and overnight corrections that Safari can't have.

I am back in Texarkana. I had lunch (it would have been brunch, but I got carried away uploading pictures on Facebook) with Jenny yesterday in Little Rock at the Community Bakery, and it was pretty good. From there I set out straightaway to T-town. I arrived here by 3-something.

Today I was going to go give blood, since last week Dad and I went and eventually gave up because of the wait, but it's looking like that isn't going to happen. Mom and I may go to BestBuy in a bit in search of a charger cable for my camera that I lost somewhere between Asia and Arkansas. I'm not too optimistic, but we'll see.

Also, later today we'll be headed to Mena to have Christmas with Jewelie and Nevada, since the 'rents and I will be headed to Mississippi for Christmas next week. I am looking foward to both said Christmases.

T

Money! (it's rare, it gets an !)

2008-12-18T16:11:00.000-08:00

My grants came through! My method of asking more than I expect and then robbing Peter to pay Paul seems like it will work. At this point, project Shanghai is a-go. I have enough for the whole language program and (I think) enough to cover the rest of my time spent there. I may have to cut corners here and there, but I think it will work! How exciting! This means that I don't have any money to go toward the internship at Jacob's Well, but... that was really gravy anyway, so I will figure out the logistics and make it work. I'm pretty stinking excited. I can't wait for my triumphal return to the Middle Kingdom in four and a half months.

Sadly, this means I will be out of pocket for wedding season. I don't like weddings in particular, but I do like being there for my friends. I'm in my twenties. It's like a virus the way everyone is getting hitched.

Rewind: I am in Conway. I got here last night after having driven to Little Rock, stopped in Sherwood, made dinner and ate with the Temples, and then came up and hung out with Kristen. Today I hung out with E&E for a chunk of the afternoon, and I have a coffee date with Kristen tonight. Tomorrow I'll be headed back to Texarkana... again.

2008-12-16T17:35:00.000-08:00

Today I got up and realized the foolhardiness of trying to travel north on I-30 to Conway. Soon thereafter, I decided that I should try and do something productive with my time. I chose to make bread to take to DiscipleGuide and spread a little carbo-loaded Christmas cheer. I did just that over the course of the late-morning/early-afternoon. I also managed to run a load of dishes in the dishwasher and go through the auxiliary cups, thermoses, mugs, steins, and glasses that never get used. These are the beverage holders that seem to be encamped around the frequently used coffee mug collection.

I can't say much more about this particular chore without giving away a portion of my craft project du jour. Eyebrow raise.

I took the bread to DG and some bread pudding to Meghan and Ms. Jane while I was there. Meghan and I had a nice chat while I loitered in her office. The bread was devoured probably before I left. Baptists know now to pack it away, even if it's not a dinner-on-the-grounds.

I'm still considering going to Conway, because I've been re-invited (or, more acurately, urged) to come. I don't want to go for just one day, but I do want to go. We'll see.

I got word through the Facebooks that Bacolod, Philippines, got its very own Starbucks this past week. This is basically impossible for me to fathom, but I have no reason to believe it's not true. I hope it doesn't put the hurt on Bob's Café of Kuppa. I will say that my first experience with McCafé was in Bacolod, though, so maybe there is a coffee market there. Oh, international corporations.

T

Grades and Nietzsche

2008-12-16T08:15:00.000-08:00

Oh, grades are in. I did better than expected. I was actually surprised by the grades I got almost all around. A's in Film History, Film Theory, Chinese, and Honors, and a B in Chemistry. I thought I had an A in Chemistry sewn up, but expected a B in Film Theory. I guess things evened out.

My bread pudding came out pretty well last night. It baked forever, but in the end, it was worth it. This was my first time to use much cloves, and I think it added a dimension that was nice. We ate the hot pudding a la mode. Which makes me think of waffles "a la mode-y" in Little Miss Sunshine. Ah, I do like that movie a lot...

"Is that Nietzsche? You don't speak because of Friedrich Nietzsche? Far out."

T

Time sheet.

2008-12-15T16:51:00.001-08:00

Since I've been in Texarkana with time on my hands, I have been...

-baking (2 loaves of molasses/oat bread, a loaf of multi-nut bread, and a bread pudding using the molasses bread that I didn't care for, as it turned out)

-knitting (still working on the warmest white scarf ever, also probably the best patterned scarf I've ever done)

-assisting Christmas decorating (I hung the lights on the outside of the house, which included a trip to the rooftop to put them on the gables)

-reading (John Updike's novel S., about a woman who leaves her husband and joins an ashram in the desert southwest... I found it in the piles of books I've bought at thrift stores and never gotten to)

-attempting to brush up on the Spanish language (reading through my Spanish 2310 textbook and trying to remember all the things I've forgotten)

-listing books for sale on Half.com. (About $160 of merchandise for sale so far.)

-contemplating Christmas gifts (I'm a terrible gift shopper, but I make (usually) nice things. Two years ago, the accidentally 17 ft. scarf would fall into the bizarre and no as nice category...)

-wishing I could make a jaunt to Little Rock and Conway (but staying put because of the weather and the lack of funds for gas/food/miscellany)

El fin.

T

Time of the year potpourri.

2008-12-12T08:47:00.000-08:00

The time has come, the walrus said, to head back to Texarkana. The semester has finally ended, and I'm glad of it, but I admit that I feel like I could have done better. I certainly had some adjustments to do getting back into the swing of American university life. But I also did a kind of poor job adjusting back to a culture that has so many channels of cable and so many English-speaking friends on Facebook, Blogger, Twitter, you name it.

I am hoping that the classes I take this next semester will be a little more fulfilling for me. This semester's dry offerings were a struggle in and of themselves. Not to mention having to take a night class this time. That, my friends, is the bane of my existence.

That said, I took my last final yesterday morning, and I feel like it went ok. My GPA will probably be something B-ish this semester, but that's recoverable. I am honestly just happy that it's over, that I survived, and that I'm no worse for the wear. I hope that my interest is more piqued this next semester as I take Script Analysis, Cinematography, Stage Make-up, Oxford Tutorial, and Chinese (some more).

I'm excited about Oxford Tutorial. That's kind of the indicator that it's a new task that has yet to become weighty. I'll be starting the research that will carry me on through the rest of my college career in the Honors College. Right now my topic is still a bit amorphous, but it has to do with living against the grain in China.

I just remembered that I had made all these flashcards to review over this winter break. The Chinese characters I neglected really learning this semester were neatly Sharpied on the front, pinyin and English definitions were on the backs. Dang it. I'll get them if I sojourn next week back to Conway to craft with Kristen.

Speaking of crafty Christmas, the other day I set up a craft corner in the Starbucks (that's really Aramark) which is in the back of the library on-campus. I know just about everyone that works there, so I went to make them a Christmas dainty. It ended up being a Christmas tree constructed from a Venti-sized cup, coffee filters, stir-sticks, hot glue, and the shell beads from a purse I got out of a "free stuff" box in my building.

Yesterday I attended my friend, Whit's, thesis presentation. It met me with no real surprises, but it was a breath-taking work of honesty and openness in prose. I'm still gathering my thoughts on that experience, but it will not be discussed on this blog. I will say that I definitely admire her more now than I did before, and that's saying something. I also understand her more than I imagine she would expect.

That's all for this random odds and ends post.

T

The Greatest Story Ever Corrupted

2008-12-09T15:32:00.001-08:00

Chav a Merry Christmas

Pupil one: Do you hear what we 'erd, right, there's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin.

Pupil two: Wossat then? A train?

Pupil three: She's not married or nuffink. But she's got this boyfriend Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with him in a crib down Nazaref. Well anyways, one day right Mary meets this bloke Gabriel right.

Pupil two: Gabriel? What sorta name's that den?

Pupil one: Dunno, sounds Chavvy to me.

Pupil two: Innit! Bruv.

Pupil three: She's like 'Ooo ya looking at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's totally gobsmacked.

Pupil two: Innit?

Pupil one: She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'

Pupil two: Yeah right! Bet she was a right goer.

Pupil three: Well, see the thing is she hadn't bin wiv no-one. Honest! So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Bacardi breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary. I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed.

Pupil two: Think of all the extra benefits an' that that they are gonna get. Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right.

Pupil one: Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponce a donkey an' go dahn Beflehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants to stop, yeah?

Pupil two: No surprised, I'd wanna pint an all.

Pupil one: Nah, to have her bay-bee an' that.

Pupil two: What, have the kid in the pub? That's outers, people in the pub having a quiet pint then in comes this bird screaming and hollering 'n stuff. Put me off me drink that would!

Pupil three: Shut up will ya! See the fing is there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs an' sheep an' that.

Pupil two: On that's gross, near turned my guts that as!

Pupil three: Well then, these free geezers turn up, looking proper bling wiv crowns on their 'eads. They're like 'Respect, baby-bee Jesus,' an' say they're wise men from the East End.

Pupil two: What Minty and the Mitchell brothers?

Pupil one: On shut up! Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas, and Burberry?'

Pupil two: On yeah, that's proper stuff to give to a kid.

Pupil three: Well. Then blow me, some Welsh bloke's turn up wiv a sheep, well it's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sex he's got another message from this Lord geezer.

Pupil two: Shoulda used his mobile, he sounds a proper nutter.

Pupil three: Shut it! Anyways he's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin' all the baby-bees. You better nash off to Egypt.

Pupil one: Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' down Egypt on a minging donkey.'

Pupil two: Wouldn't get me on no minging donkey. Went on one at Margate in the summer, it proper stunk.

Pupil one: Will you give it a rest? Gabriel sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So they go down Egypt till they've stopped killin' the first-born an' it's safe an' that. Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns water into Stella.

Pupil two: Wicked! Wherdya hear about all this den?

Pupil one: Dunno, can't remember.

Pupil two: Well what yous getting for Christmas this year?

Pupil three: Dunno, perhaps a bita bling. I don't see wat all the fuss is about Christmas, it's just an excuse to get stuffed and fall asleep in front of the telly innit?

Pupil two: Yeah bruv. Innit?

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I did not write this. But it made me laugh out loud a few times, and the social commentary is true enough.

T

'tis the season to shamelessly ask for stuff

2008-12-08T16:34:00.001-08:00

I decided that I ought to make a Christmas list of things I'd like to have but don't need.

Ta-da!

Also, gift cards to Hobby Lobby, Old Navy/Gap/Banana Republic (they are a single monster), and iTunes.

And no, I don't really expect any of this stuff for Christmas. But I figure we have not because we ask not.

God in Mitosis

2008-12-08T09:02:00.000-08:00

It hasn't sunk into my mind that Christmas is lurking none too subtly around the corner. I am much more focused on finals and getting my loose ends tied up. I feel more confident now than I have to this point, because my Chinese final is over and it went really well.

The one thing for this year, though, is that I'm back in Christmas-celebration-land, USA. I hope it's nice, but I get the feeling that it might be one rude awakening after another. A materialistic country that's low on cash during its main gorgefest cannot be a happy thing. I, for one, have no money for presents, but that's really nothing new. I usually make crafty gifts, and they are more of me than my money, anyhow. We'll see what I come up with. I'm a terrible gift-giver normally, anyway. I love giving, but I'm not a good out-of-the-blue present selector.

The other part of Christmas that is unusual so far is that I'm reconsidering what it's really all about. That is, I'm thinking much more about the Incarnation. It's pretty incredible, but it's also pretty incomprehensible. There are a lot of questions about what it means that God lowered himself into humanity (and even as a helpless infant) and was obedient even to death on a cross. Was there a host of angels there for his rescue at all times? If so, why? He's God, right? Snap-bang it's all over. But during the temptation in the wilderness there is reference to calling forth angels to minister to him. I know that there are arguments about divesting some of his deity to become man (eg. omniscience, omnipresence) and yet there are arguments countering that (well, maybe not omnipresence...).

It's pretty amazing to think that Jesus is God, but came into a cell that split into two that split into four that split into eight... And yet He is the same God who spoke the universe into being, makes the blind see and quickens the dead.

Can I get a hallelujah?

T

Proof that I don't just procrastinate...

2008-12-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

I also write mediocre papers for a class I don't fully believe in.

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Trace Thurman
Film History I
8 December 2008

A Decade Under the Influence

In the Independent Film Channel’s production, A Decade Under the Influence, the question of what happened between then and now is explored. The major impact of the production, though, is an examination of the cycle of movies from the 1960’s, through an exploration of post-Production Code possibilities, and back into a closet of money centered dreck.

The 1970’s saw a widening of the American cinema to include subject matters, situations, and scenes that had theretofore been taboo. The generation was influenced directly by the drug culture that had emerged in the decade before. This meant that the drugs had become much more common as aspects of daily life, and thus the impact was felt in the youth culture being depicted in the movies of the day. Likewise the sexual revolution of the mid-century was finally being caught on film. Frank portrayals of homosexuality, promiscuity, and other nontraditional relationships became more open to discussion. In The Graduate (1967), Mike Nichols used the relationship of a young man with an older woman (and eventually her daughter) to explore the vacuum of life that accompanies graduation from college. Nichols also touched on another major point of the generation, detachment, drifting, and existential hollowness. As one of the first films in the wave, Nichols used the character of Benjamin to exemplify the lack of direction of the generation.

It is important to remember that the timing of the emergence of this new American cinema was strategic. The Vietnam War was raging and people had grown tired of waiting. The world was becoming more international, and the influence of the French New Wave, Italian Neorealist movement, and the groundbreaking work of Kurosawa in Japan were all felt strongly in the emergence of American film. The French had also taken American B-films of a generation earlier and reinvented them. The American directors of the 70’s used these as a recycled form of inspiration to create something less synthetic and more real. The gap of believability was becoming narrower as the directors began to show on screen what was going on in the lives of real people. Domestic dissonance became a real problem on the screen, and movies like Woman Under the Influence explored that in depth. In a more comedic way, Woody Allen looked into the new face or relationships and sexuality in Annie Hall.

The filmmakers of this time period were going out on limbs and making movies unlike those that had been produced in America before. What’s more, they created films that have stood the test of time and shown what groundbreaking talent their writers and directors held. Along with the creative, ballsy movies that were being made came the inevitable capitalist god: the bottom line. Many of these well-made movies became box office successes, and the summer blockbuster tradition that now sustains us began in the 1970’s with the likes of Jaws and The Godfather. Unfortunately for these movies (though arguably one much more than the other), the advent of the summer blockbuster brought with it the harbinger of death, namely the sequel. Once movies were noticed to be commercially advantageous, the formula that made them such was identified and duplicated. It’s hard to imagine the indignities forced upon the shark community as a result of the business Jaws brought in. Jaws: the Revenge (1987), the fourth installment of shark movie mayhem based on the 1975 original, was obviously less a piece of well-crafted film and more a giant commercial for itself.

Because of the propensity of the entertainment market to make formulaic product in hopes of a quick return on investment, the artistry of the era became increasingly a commercial venture as opposed to an artistic journey. Of course everyone needs to have a paycheck to live, but the deification of money in this system seems counterproductive in the progress of artistic exploration. Moviemaking is not, after all, a punch-the-clock job, even if the studios would beg to differ. Watching talented filmmakers make commercials for movies is like making love to a prostitute: it may be slick, but it won’t be genuine. There are some exceptions to this, and they mainly fall into the areas of film in which fans are most adamant—fantasy. Science fiction fans often debate the merits of one installment of a cinematic series versus another. If one can decipher what they are talking about, it might be ascertained that they think that X-Star Wars was better than Y- or Z-. Similarly, devoted fans heavily debate the Lord of the Rings movies and all their ilk.

In an age of consumerism to the maximum, it is hard to imagine that movies are not solely determined by their earning power. However, the independent film movement and the progress of moviemakers in making films in the first place is evidence that art is not, indeed, dead. The 1970’s proved to be a trying time for the United States at home and abroad. The cinema it produced was especially effective at exploring the dark reaches of a society coming to terms with itself. Perhaps ticket sales did not hurt the effort.

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Listmania!

2008-12-06T19:48:00.000-08:00

To do:

One more Film History regular response [finally done]

Film History final response over the American film scene in the 1970's - due Monday at noon [now complete]

Honors final project response (it actually went smashingly!) - due Monday at 2 [also complete]

Oxford Tutorial contract (written and signed)

Chinese workbook stuff that should have already been done

and then

Chinese final Monday at 8

Honors final (no test, just turn in paper and discuss) Monday at 2

Film Theory final Tuesday at 8

Chemistry final Thursday at 8

It's a daunting list, but honestly I've been chipping away at it steadily, and it will get done by hook or by crook. At least I only have three short papers left to write. It's hard to pull paper after paper out of thin air, and often that's what these things feel like. I'm so glad I got that Freud paper done. And just now I wrote a short paper on German Expressionism. It isn't worth posting here, sad to say. Oh, the break couldn't come at a better time!

[edited 9:18 Sunday, 7 December]

A Terrific Struggle, Indeed.

2008-12-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

Here is what I spent a large portion of my Dead Day working on:

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A Terrific Struggle

The 140-character bar of Twitter.com might be the haiku of a post-modern generation. The site allows people a very small space to express what they are doing, feeling, expecting, hoping, or dreading. Others read these life-captions and respond with their own. The task has gone from merely ranting about the line to check out at Target to expressing the emotions of a particularly complex moment. I once used my allotted space to say, “If orange/guitar string/cilantro/sandpaper were a mood, that'd be the one of today. Vibrant but strangely conflicted.” Twitter tells me I posted this at 1:39 PM on September 15. At that point, I am certain I knew little or nothing of either Freud’s omnipotence of thought or of Ruth Benedict or Edward Sapir. I did know, however, that I felt “orange/guitar string…” and I knew that a friend of mine responded that she knew exactly what I meant.

Sigmund Freud argues in Totem and Taboo that primitive people and modern neurotics share the omnipotence of thought. That is, these people believe that the inner workings of their psychic lives will change the world around them. “Omnipotence of thought [is] the unshaken confidence in the capacity to dominate the world and the inaccessibility to the obvious facts which could enlighten man as to his real place in the world” (Freud 116-7). This is drawn from the animistic traditions of primitive people and from the obsessive-compulsive tendencies of neurotics. Believers in animism could use incantations to create order and safety in the world through manipulation of spirits. Neurotics might associate unrelated items, phrases, or actions to forewarn of danger or to fashion a psychic haven for themselves. Freud goes on to relate this thought process to the developmental stages of sexuality. He says that the second phase of sexual development, out of which people never fully ascend, is called narcism. Narcism is the stage in which “sexual impulses which formerly were separate, have already formed into a unit and have also found an object; but this object is not external and foreign to the individual, but is his own ego” (Freud 116). Thus, sex will always be, at its core, about gratifying the ego. According to Freud, the world should follow this same pattern for the primitive or neurotic individual. Sexuality and the mind should shape the universe in a way that gratifies the ego. Freud concedes that in society at large this is not the case; only in art has omnipotence of thought been retained in modernity. The artist conceives of something and then creates it in order to satisfy his own ego and, “thanks to artistic illusion, calls forth effects as if it were something real” (Freud 118).

The poet shapes the universe through language. Ruth Benedict and Edward Sapir presented opposing ideas on the personality and psychology of cultures. However, they both used poetry as a medium with which to express their anthropological and personal revelations. “Sapir and Benedict found the aesthetic of hardness compelling as a model for the artist’s personality and work. For both, harness combined passion and intellect—represented, that is, an emotional, personal commitment to aesthetic craftsmanship and intellectual striving” (Handler 131). This idea of hardness was really a search for authenticity in an emerging intellectual generation. In fact, T.J. Jackson Lears defines the movement as an “‘anti-modernistic’ reaction against weightlessness—people’s search for ‘reality’ and ‘real experience’ in the past, the primitive, the natural, the exotic” (Handler 129). This poses an interesting parallel to Freud’s understanding of art as the reconnection of modern man with primitive omnipotence of thought.

Furthermore, Ezra Pound, a leading voice of this generation of poets, maintained “sincere expression—considered the essence of Art—depended (in poetry) upon an absolutely original use of language, because the individual’s unique experience could not be conveyed through conventional language, encumbered as it is with dead metaphors and cliché” (Handler 129). The insistence upon originality forced poets to push beyond the restrictions of form, meter, and rhyme, and to create something new. T.E. Hulme commented on the nature of language, saying, it is “a communal thing; that is, it expresses never the exact thing but a compromise—that which is common to you, me and everybody. But each man sees a little differently, and to get out clearly and exactly what he does see, he must have a terrific struggle with language” (qtd. Handler 129). This “struggle” is the desire for omnipotence of though in a different realm. Not only the universe is being manipulated, but also the minds of others are bending to the thoughts of the poet.

When my tweet referred to cilantro and sandpaper, I was trying to do just what Freud said I could and Pound encouraged. I was trying to achieve omnipotence of thought. With one friend, I achieved just that. I pressed for an original expression that could bend the mind of someone to my will and hence gratify my own ego. I never would have termed it so villainously, but I suppose the early 20th century thinkers were heading the same direction I am one hundred years later.

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As you can probably tell, somewhere around the end of the final body paragraph/beginning of the closing, I got a call from a friend to go out for the night. I'm afraid the ending was a bit hasty, but it will do. Honors paper long overdue but submitted: Check. Everything else: Pending.

But what a night I had...

A break from Freud

2008-12-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

I admit that it's Dead Day and I should be writing my last paper for Adam's class. And I should be writing my last sprinkling of film responses for Film History. And I should be doing long ignored pages of Chinese workbook material.

I will. I have to. But first, I think something needs to be addressed. Tina, you need to stop the madness.

That will be all.

Bicycle Thief

2008-12-04T06:52:00.001-08:00

Just now in film theory class--

Dr. Anderson: That's one of the classic moral dilemmas-- is poverty a justification for crime? Is it okay to steal a loaf of bread if you're starving?

Me: Hmm. Jean Val-Jean.

Ashly: Aladdin.

Me: Touché.

Clementine and Sugar Cookies

2008-11-28T18:51:00.000-08:00

My dear sister, Jewelie, referred to me as "old school" yesterday as I whipped heavy cream by hand. I explained that I would rather do things in the kitchen by hand. At that point, I realized that I do almost everything in the kitchen the hard way. Or, maybe, it's just the old fashioned way. Years ago mom had a bread machine, and I learned to dump the stuff into the metal bowl and let it whir and sputter for three hours until a block of bread popped out.

Eventually I learned to bake bread by hand, and I find the experience and the end product are both much more fulfilling. This past weekend I made sugar cookies according to Granny's cookbook recipe, which is from Aunt Irene, who is not my aunt, but the relationship is something I don't remember how to properly explain. I made the cookies by hand, rolled them into tiny balls, stamped them with a sugared thread spool's end to create a flower imprint, and baked them.

Sometimes Old School is just right.

Speaking of just right, my friend Kristen has begun to post some of her handicrafts for sale online. Here is her store. The necklaces, which I have seen in person, are not done justice by these photographs. They are gorgeous. And her animal pillows are adorable. It all has a very particular arts-and-crafts feel that is both homey and artistic.

Finals are fast-approaching, and I am not doing a very good job at staying focused. I'll keep on, though.

Why I'm Thankful, by Trace

2008-11-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is here, and I must say, I am thankful. A lot of times it's awkward to come to the feasting table and not know what to say. Year after year we embrace inner gluttony and gorge ourselves while grasping for something to be thankful for. This year, I have a lot.

I'm thankful for a family that loves me for just being me.

I'm thankful for the freedom to go to whatever church I choose.

I'm thankful that I got to vote for the first time a couple weeks ago.

I'm thankful that I can go to college for free, even if the bureaucracy drives me bananas.

I'm thankful to be able to afford to live in the first world.

I'm thankful to have everything I need and not everything I want.

I'm thankful to be back in America for the holidays.

I'm thankful to be able to bake in a real oven.

I'm thankful that America is gaining some perspective these days, even if the process hurts.

I'm thankful for President-elect Obama, because he has brought hope to a lot of people.

I'm thankful for potable water and consistent electricity and wireless high-speed internet.

I'm thankful for theology books.

I'm thankful for growing.

I'm thankful for clarity.

I'm thankful for the friends I have around the world.

I'm thankful for plans and goals and grace for each day.

I'm thankful to be able to tell you about it on the blog.

God is good.

I have to siiiing!

2008-11-23T18:31:00.000-08:00

You remember this very special episode of Saved by the Bell, right? I found it on YouTube today because I was doing my Honors research into comedy (which I keep mentioning as though it's tedious... I watch videos). This clip makes me gleeful beyond belief. It could be because this video clip comes up in my mind and I want to reference it in conversation, but I'm always afraid it's too esoteric. Well, now you know what I'm even talking about.

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Movies I've watched lately (because I enjoyed making that list last time)

-Pursuit of Happyness

-Moulin Rouge

-Portrait of Jason

-Salesman

-The Grand Illusion

-The Strange Case of Bob's Bazaar Bizarre

-Aladdin

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I have been chained to my desk for the past 7 hours (and I have been rather productive). I quit for the day.

Holla for Challah!

2008-11-22T09:41:00.000-08:00

As it turns out, the bread that I've been making for the past 6 or so years is actually very close to Challah, which is the special bread eaten by Jews on holidays and sabbaths. I didn't know this to be true until just not researching what constitutes Challah, but I'm pretty much there. It depends on your reading of the dietary laws restricting dairy, I guess, but many Jews would have no problem eating my bread. How interesting, right? To be more like tradition, I should braid in four strands instead of three (it relates to manna falling in double portions before the sabbath). Otherwise, I think I'm there. It's funny, because I've had Challah before, at a Channukah party, but I assumed there was more Jewish tradition wrapped up in the recipe and preparation itself. Nope. I basically recreated it by modifying a Fleishmann's recipe several years ago. Irony.

Last night was Thanksgiving at E&E's house. It was the rowdiest Thanksgiving I've ever seen, but it was fun nonetheless. There was some throw-down Twister played, and I definitely threw a shoulder at Edith for the win. It occurred to me that Twister is probably the most vulgar game children are ever allowed to play. It gets pretty racy when the competitors are really into it-- no holds barred. It interestingly always ends the same though. JENGA!

Tonight I'm supposed to hang out with Kristen and do some crafting. We've been trying to get together to paint, hot glue, and bead forever. I'm sure it'll be much less predictable than it sounds.

Buddha is not your homeboy

2008-11-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

I lifted this from a blog written by a woman in language school in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. I think it says volumes about the heart of a missionary.

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perspective.

the other day, on the bus, i stood near a precious, elderly mongolian grandma. she sat in her seat...holding her prayer beads...she never stopped rolling them in her hands...repeating the mantra that she hoped would accomplish something for her or her loved ones. i stood behind her just watching...and i noticed that rubbing those beads between her thumb and forefinger had actually worn a GROOVE into her finger...i'm saying there was an actual, physical deformity in her hand due to the infinite number of times...the immense amount of her life she has spent endlessly spinning those beads and repeating the same sentence over and over and over and...

that's perspective! those are the moments when the fog of little annoyances and inconveniences lifts and clarity comes. this is why we're here...to lead her to the One who can set her free from the need to keep spinning the beads...to help her realize that if she stops...it will be ok...she can trust the Creator of the Universe to take care of it for her...and she can sit in peace...sleep in peace...LIVE in peace...

perspective.

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I'm savoring that whole thing. It reminds me very much of going to a temple in Ayuttayah, Thailand, and seeing a preschool field trip to take tiny Thai girls in their matching pink uniforms to learn to properly bow and pray before the luxe gilded idols of their religion.

It is heartbreaking, but there is hope. It's quite beautiful. Happy weekend, friends.

Red Beans and Banaffee Pie

2008-11-20T21:00:00.000-08:00

相思

唐王维

红豆生南国

春来发几枝

愿君多菜撷

此物最相思

This is a very famous poem about missing someone. Julia sent it to me along with 9 red beans (they are a token of being far away from someone you care about) from Singapore. Not only is that all very Chinese, but she actually sent me native Singaporean red beans, which happen to be adorably heart-shaped. She tells me that this is usually for lovesickness, but she thinks it's ok for just regular friends, too. No worries, there's less than the tiniest romantic spark between my old conversation partner and me.

I am still translating the poem into English. Here's what English I've got so far. I imagine my translation butchers the shades of meaning... at very best. Teej, feel free to correct me. This is from my interpretation and the use of trusty ol' DimSum dictionary.

Thinking of Each Other

by Tang Wang Wei

Red beans grow in the southern country

Spring arrives and their branches emerge

Hopefully as we gather many

These things will most of all remind us of each other

In other news, I fought Time magazine and their minions and won today. They charged me for a subscription renewal on a magazine I have seen nary hide nor hair of at all for the months of my free trial. Subsequently they over-drafted from the account it opened on, because I don't use that bank anymore! I spent an hour plus on the phone with about 7 CSRs with Time, a subscription agency, and my bank. It worked out, though, and the agency that actually handled my subscription is refunding the charge and the bank fees. Hooray for the little man! (That would be me in this most figurative of senses.)

Next week is Thanksgiving. Upon return, there will be a week of classes, and then finals. Finals! Seriously. Already upon us. At least things are starting to wrap up. And Thanksgiving, round one, will be tomorrow. Rumor has it that the Chinese girl who works at Starbucks (we haven't been introduced, so I don't remember her name from Edith's mention in passing) will be bringing something traditional. I'm going to attempt bread again, since last weekend's bread didn't turn out right, and I will try making Banaffee Pie a la my former roommate, Austin.

p.s. I have edited the translation since my initial posting.

Things of Note

2008-11-19T21:42:00.000-08:00

-I tried the Espresso Truffle at Starbucks to wonderful result

-I heard Chuck Klosterman speak (I'll link it later)

-Jenny got a tattoo on her ankle

-I turned my laundry pink with my Mao t-shirt. Now I have Commie Pink-o socks. True story.

-I studied chemistry for a change

-I bought gas for $1.77!

-Callie turned 21

-If I haven't mentioned it, the lasagna party was thebomb.com, even if my bread didn't rise

-Thanksgiving is coming! Thanksgiving is coming!

-Thanksgiving Friend Feast is Friday at E&E's place

-I need a haircut, but I won one at a volunteer fair this week, so I'll be cashing in soon

-Life is nice for a change.

Racist Jell-o, Racist Puppets

2008-11-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

I'm doing research on stand-up and situation comedy through the past century. I mean, I'm YouTubing funny videos and downloading them onto my computer for presentation in class in a few weeks. I'll be jazzing them up with museum-type titles and descriptions, but you get the idea.

Anyway, in the abyss of YouTube glory, I've discovered some classic James Earl Jones counting and reciting the alphabet (and subsequently a Sparta-remix of him saying the digits of π). I've watched some Woody Allen and Abbot & Costello bits. But this... I was not prepared for this. It's real, and it's ridiculous.

Jay-Ee-Er-Er--OMG.

I will be quick to say that most of my comedy clips have some reference to race and class. However, the emphases are different. I don't think Jell-o meant for us to look at Chinese baby and think, "Gee, Jell-o is inclusive." I imagine it was something more along the lines of, "Aw, Chinese people are cute and they talk so funny! Imagine them trying to eat gelatin with their silly little chopsticks!"

What would Achmed the Dead Terrorist say about this?

Moses, Magic, and the Wrong Jew

2008-11-16T21:25:00.000-08:00

Today has been genuinely nice. I went to church this morning (and this evening), and I even went to Sunday School and stuck around for the ministry expo that was today. I've come to a point where I am realizing that I won't just happen into community. Unfortunately it took me 3 years and a smattering of churches to realize this as a young adult. We'll see what happens, but at least the naïveté of my former years has worn off a bit and God is showing me that there really is more. My life has been something of a thrill ride lately, complete with the ups and downs and occasional nausea.

I am incredibly hopeful about this week. I did some academic reading today at Starbucks, and it's the first time I've devoted my brain to the Academy in an embarrassingly long time. I've been a skimmer and a skipper lately. It isn't that I've given up on school or anything, it's just that this semester has not been really engaging. For about a month I was riding a wave of anthropological stimulation with Honors, but that fell off (and the class has kind of disintegrated before my eyes, to tell the truth). Today, however, I read a few pages of Freud's Totem and Taboo, and it made me remember why I love anthropology, religious studies, cross-cultural communication, and the lot. After Freud defined sorcery and magic, I went and listened to a sermon on Moses throwing down his rod at the burning bush and it becoming a snake. The irony was beautiful.

Also in that sermon, I skipped gears a little. Bobby Tucker was preaching on Moses, and he got to the verse that talks about removing Moses's name from the book if it would forgive the sin of Israel. Bro. Bobby said something to the tune of "Who else does it sound like to take the sins of people onto himself to set them free?" And I was like, "Ooh! Paul said that in Romans 9!"

I obviously forgot about Jesus. Fortunately sermons are understood to be rhetorical, so I didn't make a fool of myself aloud and in earnest. It did make me laugh, though.

Maybe a report on the Lasagna Party will be in order tomorrow. It was craziness. For now all the craziness I need is the deep slumber that awaits me in my bed as Rob Bell podcasts me to sleep.

Lasagna, Dead Babies, and Care Packages

2008-11-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

It is finally Friday, and I'm glad. This week has been longer and more bizarre than almost any I can recall. I went to a new Sunday School class, turned 22, entertained my parents, mapped out the lobby of my building for museum construction, celebrated a friend's birthday, wrote two grants, bought footie pajamas for kids, cleaned out Goodwill's theological books, washed my shoes, began pretending to be someone's best friend/long time travel companion, watched several movies, had Chinese and chemistry tests, had my lobby plans shot down, and am typing all about it on Friday morning. There was more to my week, and, frankly, the bizarreness went unmentioned in that list.

Movies watched lately:

4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days

Look Back in Anger

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

Nosferatu

Invisible Children

Song of the South (a perhaps less than legal copy)

Hamlet (with Laurence Olivier!)

Yep, I watched parts or all of these movies this week. I did miss The Office yesterday because of a birthday party, so I'll catch it online soon. Don't talk about it, please. About 4 Months, I have wanted to see this film for several months. I saw it for sale in the bootleg shops in Beijing, but the covers were printed in French, and so I never bought it. I knew what it said, but the last movie I watched in French without English subtitles was Amelie, and I'd been in China for a few weeks, and the fact that I didn't know what anyone was saying hardly phased me. It turns out that the film is Romanian, which I think I knew, but even so, the subtitle menus on cloak-and-dagger dvds are hit and miss at best. I'm glad to have seen the film, but I will say that it definitely put me (and everyone else in the room) into a contemplative and tenuous funk. What terrible things people put themselves and each other through. I often wondered why the young lady needed the abortion. However, I'm not so naive as to think that adoption in Soviet-era Romania would have been an attractive choice. I'm reminded of Olan in The Good Earth, when the baby is born, she delivers it, smothers it, and buries it immediately. (Of course the dead babies have different fates... one is eaten by dogs, the other cast down a garbage chute.)

No more talk of dead babies. It has been a bizarre week. I told you!

This weekend seems promising. I have only to write some film responses for class on Monday. I'm hoping to settle down into some Zhang Yimou films tonight. Tomorrow there is a birthday Lasagna-palooza slated in honor of yours truly and my friend Callie, as hosted by the Temples. I'm planning on making my world-renowned (though, admittedly, it didn't turn out the best when the pan didn't fit into the Filipino oven all the way) bread for the occasion. It promises to be the Pasta-Based party of the year. Mark my word!

I am working on a China-bound care package, and it's almost complete. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing. I think it's going to rock. I'd give details, but it would spoil the surprise.

2008-11-13T11:50:00.000-08:00

Invisible Children is a documentary a few years old about abducted children from the Sudan. This is the film that some college kids made a few years ago, and this is much what I would like to do in the future.

It's pretty incredible.

2008-11-09T17:36:00.000-08:00

I had forgotten how nice my apartment was in BJ. Check it out.

The audio cuts out, and the picture quality's poor, but you can see most everything. And it was fairly clean at that point. I'm glad I almost always video wherever I'm living.

Shiraz and all that jazz

2008-11-08T20:14:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a rough day on a few counts, so when I was sitting lonely last night in my living room, I texted a few friends to see what anyone else was up to. My TLC watching quota for the evening was just about met. Jenny was being the ever-dutiful RA, and since the shooting their duties have been multiplied a few times over. Not to mention that this weekend was basically UCA open house free-for-all.

I got a text response from Edith saying that I should go over to her house and hang out with her and Eryn later in the night. I told her I would. Then there was a discussion of not coming until later and later because of necessary things that were being taken care of. Finally I told her to just let me know when they were free. Around 9:30 a text: "So we're just going to pick you up. We'll call when we're outside, about 20 mins. Dressy casual is the attire for the evening." They did just that, and, perplexed as I was about the dress code, I've learned to just go with it.

I got into Eryn's new Rav4 (the girl changes cars more often than I change toothbruses) and was whisked away. They informed me that I was being kidnapped and we were going to Dallas. I half-believed them, knowing the would do just that. However, when they asked if I had anything going on Saturday and I let them know that I did, in fact, have obligations, I knew. We were going out on the town. A half hour or so later we pulled up in the Little Rock parking lot of Mt. Fuji sushi café. Our friend Patrick hopped in the back seat next to me. We drove on. As we wound through Little Rock in the Toyota, I realized where we must have been going.

Eryn got a bit lost between the Rivermarket and NLR's downtown. Poor thing. We were aiming at Cregeen's Irish Pub. Eventually we made it, and my spirits were lifted. My 21st birthday was being celebrated as most college students do. Only, mine came 362 days belated. As things turned out, Zach Hicks, with whom I attended high school, showed up eventually.

We ordered a table full of humus and sundry other appetizers and desserts along with a nice bottle of wine. Patrick was too young to drink and Zach didn't partake either, so it left the girls and I to split the Shiraz-- their choice for my first legal American drink in public. We had an incredibly fun time just hanging out and laughing in the pub down in Argenta. Even though I don't spend nearly enough time with E&E, and the others I don't know too well, we got on like friends who see each other day in and out. Of course we're young and silly, of course we're just twentysomethings on the brink of grad school and careers and moving away and spiraling into the abyss that is the real world. But last night, just for the night, we were content and happy and free to just be. It has been a fearsome long time since I've felt like that.

I got to bed around 3.

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Today I had to present a poster on my time in China for Honors College Family Day. I made the poster last Thursday while groaning through NBC's pre- and post-Office offerings. I feel like my poster was more of a success than Kath and Kim will ever be. In fact, I'm rather happy with the outcome of my poster. It's informative and nice to look at. I had to present it in order to "disseminate" (their awkward word) the information of my experience; I was partially funded by a TAG grant from the Honors College.

Speaking of grants, I'm in the process of writing three for this summer. Actually, I've submitted one, for a language immersion with Adam in Shanghai. I'm also working on one to extend my time in China a month for research and shooting of my thesis documentary. The third is funding for the rest of my summer, which I'm planning to spend as an intern with Jacob's Well in Chicagoland. I'm really looking forward to doing a worship arts internship and expanding my resume thereby.

I'm going to be a busy boy. Well, I already am...

Tomorrow: Trace goes back to Antioch and tries a different small group.

I'm glad to be American, even if I understand that more now.

2008-11-06T22:12:00.001-08:00

I need to amend my last post. I was, in fact, in error about Amendment 1 in Arkansas. It was an amendment to ban the foster parentage of unwed couples, and, in its passing it continued to restrict would-be couples from such. I realized this to be the case soon after posting to the contrary, but I did want to clear that up, especially since everyone reading isn't exactly abreast of Arkansan political happenings. I suppose this means that my voting was not in opposition to everyone on everything! Hooray! (Is that an appropriate response at all?)

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One of my friends is in law school in Seattle, and lately she has written a bit about being a center-right voter in an area that pushes the boundaries of leftism. I'm not sure exactly why her experience resonates with me, a center-righter in the midst of the conservative swirl that tends to be Arkansas, but it does. Perhaps the internal debates and determinations that faced me in this, my first ballot cast, have reinforced my understanding of the blessing that it is to be able to vote radically against your peers. (sidebar: I strategically voted Green party in this election, and that's a whole other ball of wax.)

Having lived in a country that holds "elections" in the most figurative sense, I see now how utterly free the American system is. In China everyone knows who will be the next president far before the election is held. It isn't just the conjecture of CNN and FOX. It's years of preparation and being brought up under the wings of Party leaders. I know that to a degree this happens in America-- both nominees this go-round were US Senators-- but Sarah Palin got incredibly close to the VP chair, and she is far less of a traditional career politician than anyone I've ever seen get the nod.

I remember being in elementary GT during the Clinton/Dole election cycle and saying that I might one day want to run for president. I'm thankful that I really don't want to be Commander in Chief anymore. I'd much rather work for an NGO or document the plight of Vietnamese Christians on the border of Cambodia (and the UN's absolute and complete impotence in such egregious human rights violations) with film. The fact that politics will follow us wherever we go is not frightening when it is taken into consideration that politics is really just juggling people while doing what needs to be done. Fortunately I don't need to get the national budget balanced or determine an educational system for millions of students. I just need airfare, batteries, and per diem.

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Today I was able to spend time with Rob, who was down in Arkansas for Jill's funeral and decided to stay in the area during the BMAA Arkansas State Associational Meeting. Nothing, I'm sure, could be more thrilling. As an employee of the BMAA, though, I'm sure it was a good thing for him to be there. Anyway, it provided me with an opportunity to talk to him for a while. We noticed the corporate sponsorship of CBC's new bell tower (Regions Bank, Conway Development Corp., etc.) and then struck out for the Starbucks on 65. That's the one I seem to find myself in a time or two a week. The weather outside was gorgeous today with nice sun and a level 68 degree late afternoon after a humid and rainy morning. We sat outside and discussed Romans 5 and other problems of the wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am approach to relationship with Christ and its interplay with grace and sin-nature.

My conversations with Rob are never less than intriguing. That's all I want to say so as not to preclude either of us having any associations with the BMAA ever again. I'm ~~kind of~~ joking. Perhaps I will flesh this out elsewhere, but the public eye and my interpretation of the writings of Paul might not be the best of bedfellows right now.

2008-11-05T05:29:00.000-08:00

So my constituents can breathe more easily, I want to announce that I did, in fact, vote. In the last few hours I decided to vote conservatively. And then, when viewing the mock ballot while waiting in line to vote, I realized that I would vote rather conservatively on issues in the state. Of course, the things and people for whom I voted lost. We're letting unwed couples adopt and an historic lotto into the state of Arkansas.

While I admire the rhetorical prowess of President-elect Obama, I do find myself wondering where slogans will end and real ideas will begin. In his acceptance address last night, I kept hearing "Yes we can!" as punctuation. If that is true, my fellow Americans, why haven't we been? To blame the problems of our country on Bush is like blaming him for natural disasters, acts of terror, or financial meltdowns years in the making. Oh, wait, we're doing that.

I guess we will have at least 4 years to see where President Obama takes us as a country, and we will see what kind of world develops around us. I'd put my money on things will get worse before they get better. Let the blame begin.

2008-11-04T05:42:00.001-08:00

It is election day, so I should make up my mind. It isn't that I haven't been thinking on things. It's just that I'm not sure who to trust. There are problems and loopholes in every piece of legislation. My motives in this election are also tainted with the reality that I will be abroad during the new president's term. It would be so nice to not be disliked as a country. I mean, everyone likes our money. No one likes our government. It isn't that the international community should have too much say in how we do things, but it should be understandable that I'd rather be neutral than furtively disliked.

However, I'll also be living in the US for most of the term. So there's a balance to be struck.

I think election season is probably a rally of empty promises and slander that leads to the biggest popularity contest on the planet. I hope I wore the right shoes to the party.

T

2008-11-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

I didn't really celebrate Hallowe'en this year. However, I have been watching scary movies a lot lately, and I've decided they are something akin to Salt-n-Vinegar potato chips. The first taste is ridiculous, but once you've had a couple, it's so good. Notably, though, I wouldn't want to eat them all the time, nor would I want to watch horror films all the time. They're seasonal like Pistachio Almond ice cream and Peeps. I will say that horror films have more liberty than most other genres, because the suspension of disbelief is a bit more flexible with them. Of course Leatherface got there before you. Why wouldn't the hotel flood with blood? You wonder why no one noticed the cult next door earlier?

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This semester seems like it could be entitled "Trace Gets Screwed by the System." You remember the outstanding (not my fault) scholarship thing? My parents paid it off for me. And yet, yesterday, when I went to have dinner, my card did not work in the cafeteria. Even though I met their hostile demands before the deadline. Seriously. Tomorrow, someone in housing gets to see my face... AGAIN. It's like the fifth trip I've made to that office this semester. What's the deal?

Also in TGSS, I might not have a job at SFBC because of the idiocy of the management. Apparently I didn't show up for work on Thursday. Now, how I should have known to show up without them telling me is beyond my grasp. The manager with whom I interviewed on Wednesday said at least thrice that she would call me and tell me when to come in. I assumed that meant for this next week. So, on Friday morning I decided to check in with them. When I called, I got shuffled around on the phone, finally talking to a very nice AM who called the boss to ask about me, because apparently I was no longer employed with them. They took my no-show as not wanting the job, and hired somebody else. I kid you not. So the boss is supposed to send me an email (real classy) to straighten things out. You know where this is going, but I hate being punished when someone else drops the ball. In honesty, I'm not sure I want to work for a retarded company like this. But I do need the money.

In other employment news... NOTHING. I still haven't heard from Lana.

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Today I went to Grace Church on Cantrell in Little Rock because the Tedders were leading worship there. Mark and Carrie Tedder led worship at BICF when I was in Beijing, and so it was like a little piece of China in the 501. I went down more specifically to man the merch table of the cd/dvd combo that was produced at BICF while I was there (remember the videos a while back?), called 门The Door. I was glad to help out and hear about their ministry plans. I would love to work with their organization some time. They lead worship and train worship leaders around the world, and they've started doing so through video podcasts. I told Carrie that I'm studying film and that I'd love to work with them on projects in the future.

Steven, Bekah, and Jenny came down to go to Grace with me this morning, and that was nice of them. After all was said and done I went with Jenny to have lunch with her parents and grandmother at Johnny Carino's a few blocks down on Cantrell.

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This afternoon when I came back to my suite my roomie was watching Pan's Labyrinth, which is an excellent movie about the Spanish Civil War, magic, and escapism. If you haven't seen it, have the stomach for some violence, and can endure a kind of long movie in Spanish, you should investigate. I love it.

Mules and Men

2008-10-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

Because I wasn't long-winded enough already today, here's my paper on cultural reconstruction and the African American experience. Kind of.

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Folk It: How the Past might be the Future

In the wisdom of aphorism, he who forgets the past is condemned to repeat it. The mistakes made by people who are long gone should be, by this estimation, illumination along the path of life today. The problem that arises from the adage, though, is that it is impossible to remember every past. If history is written by the victor, as another proverb goes, then the history of the vanquished is forgotten. On the level of the day-to-day, history is complied in the culture of a people. Colloquialisms, folktales, land ownership, patterns of dress, local industries—they all tell the story of the people and place to which they belong. So what happens when a people is stripped of its history? What would it be to reclaim forgone culture; could a people recover from cultural and literal banishment to reignite lost illuminations and be guided into a future that might not have been?

In her writings on the people of her hometown, Zora Neale Hurston compiles the “lies” of the men of her southern African American culture. The lies are oral tradition’s folktales that have been passed down through generations. Hurston’s collection of them reflects her understanding of their importance as cultural artifacts and also as art. She says, “From the earliest rocking of my cradle, I had known about the capers Brer Rabbit is apt to cut and what Squinch Owl says from the house top. But it was fitting like a tight chemise. I couldn't see it for wearing it. It was only when I was off in college, away from my native surroundings that I could see myself like somebody else and stand off and look at my garment. Then I had to have the spyglass of Anthropology to look through at that” (Intro). This native ethnographer realized the value of the content of her home culture only when she was able to view it from a somewhat outside perspective. She also came to realize the transitory nature of the material. When being asked why she would want to record old African American folktales, Hurston responded, “They are a lot more valuable than you might think. We want to set them down before it's too late” (Ch. 1). Hurston saw how the tales could disappear over time and be lost. She also saw how influential the folktales had been on her own young life, and that their formative power was a large segment of the local culture of these people.

In the Marco Williams documentary, Banished, the issue of culture is linked more closely to geography and land ownership. The film delves into parallel incidents in which the African American populations were run out of towns in the post-Reconstruction South. The descendents of the banished families attempt in different ways to reclaim their heritage in the towns where their family land has been resold by legal if unethical means. After the African American population was expelled from the town, laws covering “adverse possession” of land meant that squatters could claim “abandoned” land and eventually own it legally. In the film it is clear that the present populations in the towns are Euro-American and that the history of the banishment of all the African Americans in that township has been covered over, recast, or forgotten in earnest. Both the African American families and Euro-American townspeople seem to find the situation of generational reparations to be an awkward subject to broach.

The tensions in these works seem to exist across the racial and social divide of the Euro-American majority and the African American Minority. Banished makes it clear that apart from a few in the community, there is little across the divide attempt to truly understand both positions. One woman in Pierce City, Missouri, tries to bring about a compromise for a descendent looking to honor his buried forefather in the cemetery. Others in the same town (and the film stacks the numbers in this case) seem unable to find a polite word to use for African Americans, and seem hostile to address any discussion of racial disharmony. Hurston approaches a similar subject. “We smile and tell him or her something that satisfies the white person because, knowing so little about us, he doesn't know what he is missing. The Indian resists curiosity by a stony silence. The Negro offers a feather bed resistance, that is, we let the probe enter, but it never comes out. It gets smothered under a lot of laughter and pleasantries” (Intro). Not only is there an appreciation for the depth of African American minds, but there is also a concerted effort to keep others out of it. Hurston seems to be saying that the African American is consciously separated from his or her Euro-American peers.

So, the world is left with the inability to move toward understanding. People are left with holes in their understanding of personal cultural history. Can culture be reclaimed? Through the works of Hurston, culture has been preserved to survive (at least in the Academy) for another generation. In the efforts of the families in Banished, it seems that some small steps are being made to reassertion of native identity. However, it occurs to me that the assertions of these people are not so much of being ingrained as vital parts of a larger community, but rather as finding lost keys to the past. Is personal and familial history enough to merit or claim culture? In Hurston’s account, it seems that culture is about community. “As early as I could remember it was the habit of the men folks particularly to gather on the store porch of evenings and swap stories. Even the women folks would stop and break a breath with them at times” (Intro). The social aspect of culture seems predominant. But, in the words of one more phrase turner, Thomas Jefferson, “A morsel of genuine history is a thing so rare as to be always valuable.” So maybe the pieces collected are enough to be a start; after all, culture wasn’t created in a day, neither can it be restored so quickly.

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I have a headache. And I included a note with my online posting of this essay that I thought my ethnic terminology seemed off-putting, but I didn't really know what to do about it.

Beijing Huan Ying Ni... da da-a da da-da

2008-10-30T14:58:00.000-07:00

We watched that music video in my Tingli (Listening) class a LOT. And this iteration seems to be the VH1 Pop-Up Video version with people, places, and translated subtitles plus pinyin. It's super-deluxe! (The translations make the lyrics seem really awkward, even though they seem to be true to the words. I guess it's one of those things where the flow gets lost in translation. In Chinese, it's a very cute song.)

Today I tried to make an appointment with my academic advisor, but the list that should have been on his office door was not. I asked the intern at the desk, and she agreed that there should be a list, but there wasn't anything she could do about it, and he, of course, was out.

Then I walked over to the on-campus Starbucks (surprisingly less dangerous than you would think for me) in order to drop off Velvet Elvis and Blue Like Jazz for Edith (and probably Eryn) to read. I hung around the counter talking to E and E for over an hour. My friend Patrick was also working, so we all had a good chat. I'm hoping to go to Portland on Spring Break with E and E. That is, if things work out money-wise. (Last year they road-tripped to Boston to see a band play and stopped at every coffeeshop between here and there.)

They're moving to Chicago after the spring semester so Edith can go to U of Illinois's Physical Therapy school. That's like watching a carnival move on to the next town. I'm sure to miss them. Eryn's going with because they're best friends, and jobs happen everywhere. I think it's kind of sweet.

I wanted to hang out with my fledgling friend, Ryan, but we didn't sync up. I think he called me (unknown number), but my phone would not communicate back to that number. I tried calling several times, and I texted, but it all bounced. I'll try again tomorrow, maybe.

This weekend is Hallowe'en, and I feel a bit of a fuddy-duddy because I am not dressing up or really celebrating. I just don't feel it. I kind of don't want to celebrate the night when spirits have free reign. Even if I don't believe in that kind of spiritual free-for-all, I definitely believe in malevolent spirits, and I'd like to not celebrate them. I know Fall Fests and stuff are springing up, and they're fine, but I don't know.

You know what else I don't know? This election. You know that margin of swayable voters CNN and Fox News keeps squalling about? It's me. The problem, of course, is that I think both party nominees are fatheads, and it puts me in the predicament of not wanting to support anyone. And I don't believe in voting "against" someone by voting for their opponent. Votes are all affirmative. That's how it works. Who knew responsible civics was so taxing? Pun intended.

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Lest I forget to mention it, I have a new job working for San Francisco Bread Company here in Conway. It's a café, coffeeshop, and bakery, and I'll be working in the front taking orders, making drinks, etc. I hope I enjoy it. The pay is a lot less than my other job (which I am not quitting, since I don't really work anyway), but I don't have to burn half a tank to get there, either, so it easily evens out.

Excuse me, Paul, I'm having a problem with this... this credo.

2008-10-28T17:01:00.000-07:00

This article about chemical castration is alarming. We're becoming a society ruled by fear and popularity, slander and slogans. I think it is telling that we're granting increased rights to animals, we're infinitely concerned with the environment, and yet it is completely within the bounds of acceptable thought to say "I don't think you can call such individuals – such creatures – human beings. I don't think you can talk about human rights in such a case," as the Polish PM did. I see how we are no longer open to rational reasoning. Perhaps that's unfair and we've never been all that open to honest debate. But it scares me that a decision made in anger, with a populist bent and a dash of reversibility, is garnering legitimacy. Maybe this is the wrong place to write this, but where do we find rehabilitation in forcible (if temporary) castration?

I get it. I'm antipedophile, too. But there is something science fiction, something dystopic and wrong about consciously shutting off a person's natural functions as a punishment. Yes, they're wrong. Yes, they're guilty of heinous crimes. Deal with it some other way. Even the report says it isn't 100%.

Thanks to my friend in law school in Seattle for that article.

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On a remarkably brighter note, I got my first postcard from Julia, my conversation partner last year, today. It's from Singapore, since that's where she lives now and is doing Asian-Whiz Kid-Biological research there at the National University of Singapore (really really good Ph.D research school).

It's a sweet postcard, and I was happy to receive it.

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I'm becoming increasingly aware of my current boss's inability to be a responsible communicator. I've called her and left messages twice this week about scheduling. I'm sure I shouldn't complain about that in public, but it is not very considerate.

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The mood on campus is somber as of late, but life is going on as before. I noticed that there weren't many people in the caf at lunch today, but I imagine that will return to normal before long, too.

2008-10-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

This is what happened to Jeremy. He was in the Forum, which is the room I monitor on Monday nights.

I just had two officers come by the Forum. I was on the phone with Seth when I heard the door handle rattle. I damn near jumped out of my skin. I heard them talking on the radio and checking other doors. I yelled "hello" but no one answered. When I got to the door and opened it, no one was in the hallway, but I could still hear the radio chatter. I yelled "hello" again, and from around the corner by the Honors office two men yelled "blue check". I yelled back "Hello? I don't know what that means!" Two police officers, guns drawn, came around the corner. They told me to keep my hands in the air, patted me down, and asked me what I was doing in the Forum. I told them I had a code to the door, and I was just there studying. I locked everything and turned the lights off when I heard what was going on. They were in the middle of checking the Forum when they got another call on the radio about somebody walking around Wingo. They told me to stay put with the door locked and then they ran off.

When he recounted this to me earlier today, he was shaken. Last night he had a gun put in his face by an officer who was, himself, scared out of his mind.

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And, because Arkansas loves irony, check out what Today's THV (one of the local news channels) had on the web last night:

I kid you not. We just had a shooting.

2008-10-27T06:56:00.000-07:00

Here's what Yahoo!/The AP says about what happened here last night.

Classes are cancelled today, and, while this is a situation you would never wish for, I will gladly take the day off.

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This past weekend was a nice break. I went to Mena and stayed with Jewelie and Nevada. The high school band was in competition in Camden, so I tagged along and chaperoned that. The band got first division ratings in all categories, so they were very pleased with the outcome. I was glad for them; I know they've worked really hard for it. We got back around 2 a.m. and slept until midday Sunday, then Jewelie made lunch (I helped!) and we eventually did some puttering around the metro before I headed back to Conway.